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In many places, shopping is the leisure time activity for young adults. Why is it so? Do you think it is a negative or a positive development?

In many places, shopping is the leisure time activity for young adults. Why is it so? Do you think it is a negative or a positive development? 8lPl
Time is changing and so are the favourite pastimes of youngsters. Nowadays, many adults can be seen spending time doing shopping. The ever changing fashion trends and the desire to show off in front of friends are the main causes of this change. In my opinion, this is a negative development because of the wastage of money, time and energy. Every day a new fashion trend or a new gadget is introduced in the market. The young adults want to update their wardrobe according to the latest market trends. For example, whenever a new movie is launched, girls try to imitate the style of the actress by buying clothes similar to what she wore in the movie. Moreover, many times adults want to show-off their status in front of their friends. They want to splurge money in order to do this. That is why we see many youngsters with large friend circles hopping from shop to shop and spending money. This is a negative development because of the wastage of money. The youngsters spend their hard-earned money on unimportant things. They buy all the stuff which are useless and collect all the junk in their closets. Furthermore, it is a wastage of precious time and energy. The time which could be spent in a more productive way is spent on buying things which are not needed. Instead, they can join gymnastics or aerobics to have a healthy mind and body. Thus it is evident that mindless shopping / excessive shopping is a waste of money, time and energy. To conclude, more and more youngsters now spend their time shopping because they want to follow the latest fashion trends and to impress their friends. However, it is a negative development as it is a complete waste of time, energy and more importantly money.
Time
is changing and
so
are the
favourite
pastimes of youngsters. Nowadays,
many
adults can be
seen
spending
time
doing
shopping
. The
ever changing
fashion
trends
and the desire to
show
off in front of
friends
are the main causes of this
change
. In my opinion, this is a
negative
development
because
of the wastage of
money
,
time
and energy.

Every day a new fashion
trend
or a new gadget
is introduced
in the market. The young adults
want
to update their wardrobe according to the latest market
trends
.
For example
, whenever a new movie
is launched
, girls try to imitate the style of the actress by buying clothes similar to what she wore in the movie.
Moreover
,
many
times
adults
want
to
show
-off their status in front of their
friends
. They
want
to splurge
money
in order to do this.
That is
why we
see
many
youngsters with large
friend
circles hopping from shop to shop and spending money.

This is a
negative
development
because
of the wastage of
money
. The youngsters spend their
hard
-earned
money
on unimportant things. They
buy
all the stuff which are useless and collect all the junk in their closets.
Furthermore
, it is a wastage of precious
time
and energy. The
time
which could
be spent
in a more productive way
is spent
on buying things which are not needed.
Instead
, they can
join
gymnastics or aerobics to have a healthy mind and body.
Thus
it is evident that mindless
shopping
/ excessive
shopping
is a waste of
money
,
time
and energy.

To conclude
, more and more youngsters
now
spend their
time
shopping
because
they
want
to follow the latest fashion
trends
and to impress their
friends
.
However
, it is a
negative
development as it is a complete waste of
time
, energy and more
importantly
money
.
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IELTS essay In many places, shopping is the leisure time activity for young adults. Why is it so? Do you think it is a negative or a positive development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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