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In many parts of the world today there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people’s skin. Outline the reasons for using such products and discuss what effects they have in terms of health and society. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

In many parts of the world today there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people’s skin. Outline the reasons for using such products and discuss what effects they have in terms of health and society. Q9xw
Many people wonder what should be done about the people that buys products which whiten or lighten the skin. Some people think that it is best to use those products. However, other people think that using those kinds of products are not useful. This is not an easy question to answer but in this essay we will look at this issue. Firstly, whiten and lighten skin products can help to reduce skin problems. For example, I remeamber that I got exyme on my hand and it was extremly painful. When I got I did not have any skin care products that I can use, so I used my mom's whiten skin product and I got better after I scrubed on my hands. Secondly, usually women use those skin products for two reasons. First reason, it can be found every where in pharmacys or supermarktes and they are cheap and easy to afford. Second reason, it helps women to get better skin color so they can impress someone or they can fortify their relationship with their boyfriends. On the other hand, those cheap skin products can creat problems to the skin. In addition, some people have sensitive skin and they may not know so if they use those products their skin gets red and itch which will damage the skin and they may be fored to go to the hospital. To sum up, in my opinion profitable whiten or other skin proudcts is useful becase they are cheap and easy to get, but also they can seriously damage the skin so becarful before you buy the product.
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Many
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people
wonder what should
be done
about the
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people
that
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buys
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products
which
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whiten
or lighten the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
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think
that it is best to
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use
those
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products
.
However
, other
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people
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think
that using those kinds of
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products
are not useful. This is not an easy question to answer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in this essay we will look at this issue.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
whiten
and lighten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
can
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help
to
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reduce
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skin
problems.
For example
, I
Possible spelling mistake found.
remeamber
that I
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got
Possible spelling mistake found.
exyme
on my hand and it was
Possible spelling mistake found.
extremly
painful. When I
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got
I did not have any
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skin
care
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products
that I can
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use
,
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so
I
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used
my
Consider using the plural form here: "moms".
mom's
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whiten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
better after I
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "scrubbed", the past tense form of the verb 'scrub'?
scrubed
on my hands.
Secondly
,
usually
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
those
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skin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
for two reasons.
First
reason, it can
be found
Did you mean "everywhere"?
every where
in
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "pharmacies", the plural form of the noun 'pharmacy'?
pharmacys
or
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
supermarktes and
they are
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cheap
and easy to afford. Second reason, it
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helps
women to
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get
better
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skin
color
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so
they can impress
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
someone or
they can fortify their relationship with their boyfriends.
On the other hand
, those
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cheap
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skin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
can
Possible spelling mistake found.
creat
problems to the
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skin
.
In addition
,
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some
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people
have sensitive
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
skin and
they may not know
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so
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
those
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products
their
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skin
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gets
red and itch which will damage the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
skin and
they may be
Possible spelling mistake found.
fored
to go to the hospital. To sum up, in my opinion profitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
whiten
or other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
Possible spelling mistake found.
proudcts
is useful
Possible spelling mistake found.
becase
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
and easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they can
seriously
damage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Possible spelling mistake found.
becarful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.

IELTS essay In many parts of the world today there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people’s skin. Outline the reasons for using such products and discuss what effects they have in terms of health and society.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
266 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • In many parts of the world today there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people’s skin. Outline the reasons for using such products and discuss what effects they have in terms of health and society. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.