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In many countries, very few young people read newspaper or follow the news on TV. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

In many countries, very few young people read newspaper or follow the news on TV. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? 0GD3
It is a fact that in various countries young generation do not read newspapers and watch the news in TV. While there are some reasons that indicate this problem, I believe giving advising to young generation will solve it this problem. Nowdays, reading newspaper and watching TV are not become enough attractive to young generations. One reason is, improvement of technology. The young generation can easily access on internet and they can follow the news in a short time. They do not need to spend their an extra time on reading newspaper or watching TV. Another reason is that, young generation is more busy with their work or education compare the past times, That mean's earning money and work diciplines are prerequisite for them. Especially, the people whose live in metropolitan have not quite enough time even for eat their meal. So, we cannot expect them take their time for following news on TV or newspapers. To the best of my knowledge, with some minor changes and advices can encourage young generations to follow news on TV or read newspaper. Firstly, the important of reading newspapers should teach in schools. Teachers should explain that, following news by reading newspaper not only improve their knowledge it would also make them peaceful. For instance, the technological device has radiation, and following news on internet more than 30 miniutes will distrupt eyes. However, reading newspaper makes people feel themselves in peace. Secondly, the employers have to make gap hour in office for following news on TV or newspapers. Employees cannot spend their daily routine as a rush hour so, the main duty here falls to the employers that organize a propriate schedule to employees. In conclusion, while young generation do not follow news on TV and newspapers, I believe with some minor revisions that I mentioned above will solve that problem.
It is a fact that in various countries
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young
generation do not read
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newspapers
and
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watch
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
in TV. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons that indicate this problem, I believe giving advising to
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young
generation will solve it this problem.

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Nowdays
,
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reading
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newspaper
and watching TV are not become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
attractive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generations. One reason is, improvement of technology. The
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young
generation can
easily
access on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
internet and
they can follow the
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news
in a short
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time
. They do not need to spend their an extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
or watching TV. Another reason is that,
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young
generation is more busy with their work or education compare the past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, That mean's earning money and work
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diciplines
are prerequisite for them.
Especially
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
whose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in metropolitan have not quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
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time
even for eat their meal.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
them take their
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time
for
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following
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news
on TV or newspapers.

To the best of my knowledge, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and advices can encourage
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young
generations to follow
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news
on TV or read
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newspaper
.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
of
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reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
should teach in schools. Teachers should
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explain
that,
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following
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news
by
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reading
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newspaper
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge it would
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them peaceful.
For instance
, the technological device has radiation, and
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following
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news
on internet more than 30
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miniutes
will
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distrupt
eyes.
However
,
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reading
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newspaper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel themselves in peace.
Secondly
, the employers
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have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
gap hour in office for
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following
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news
on TV or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
. Employees cannot spend their daily routine as a rush hour
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the main duty here falls to the employers that organize a
Possible spelling mistake found.
propriate
schedule to employees.

In conclusion
, while
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young
generation do not follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on TV and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
, I believe with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor revisions that I mentioned above will solve that problem.
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IELTS essay In many countries, very few young people read newspaper or follow the news on TV. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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