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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Classmates are more important influence than parents on a child's success in school.

Classmates are more important influence than parents on a child's success in school. Pj8K
It is true that individuals often debate whether classmates are more integral impact than parents on youngster's success in school or not. Personally, I put forward the idea that parents are more crucial for youth, since they support them every time. The following essay will discuss both sides of this argument before a proper conclusion is drown. On the one hand, most people hold the view that classmates are more helpful so as to achieving success at school. Firstly, classmates are known to support their peers in academic life. To illustrate, they have an ability to aid them in several subjects. Secondly, the competition plays an integral role in every field. To demonstrate, making competitions with classmates is believed to increase the interests of pupil to study harder. Finally, the main role of friends for children, who study together, is giving a motivation as well as not make them alone. On the other hand, other sections of society feel that the role of parents is huge in children's academic life. To begin with, parents always support their children with monetary side. To explain, they have an ability to create a chance to participate some extra course so as to develop their academic abilities. Secondly, they play an important role to motivate their youngsters. For example, giving a gift in spite of their results at school. Finally, they are responsible to guide them to right path by showing them a right and wrong sides of this world. The reason why they have to do this, is that they do not want to see their children in difficult times. In conclusion, after discussing aforementioned views, now we can point out that although classmates can provide children with academic support, the role of parents is a big in this situation, because of they know their child's character, abilities as well as interests.
It is true that individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
debate whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classmates
are more integral impact than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
on youngster's success in school or not.
Personally
, I put forward the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are more crucial for youth, since they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
them every time. The following essay will discuss both sides of this argument
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a proper conclusion is
Consider using a past participle here: "drowned".
drown
.

On the one hand, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classmates
are more helpful
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
achieving success at school.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classmates
are known
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
their peers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
life. To illustrate, they have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
to aid them in several subjects.
Secondly
, the competition plays an integral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in every field. To demonstrate, making competitions with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classmates
is believed
to increase the interests of pupil to study harder.
Finally
, the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of friends for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, who study together, is giving a motivation
as well
as not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them alone.

On the other hand
, other sections of society feel that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is huge in children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
life. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with monetary side. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, they have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
to create a chance to participate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra course
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
.
Secondly
, they play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
to motivate their youngsters.
For example
, giving a gift
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
their results at school.
Finally
, they are responsible to guide them to right path by showing them a right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
sides of this world. The reason why they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do this, is that they do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in difficult times.

In conclusion
, after discussing aforementioned views,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we can point out that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classmates
can provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
in this situation,
Probable usage error. Use "because they" instead.
because of they
know their child's character,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
as well
as interests.
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IELTS essay Classmates are more important influence than parents on a child's success in school.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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