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: Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think it is better to work for different organizations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

: Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think it is better to work for different organizations. 7NBn
People have different perspectives about spending all their working life in one company or different companies. Although contribution for a company could bring advantages in some cases, I would argue that people should devote their life for different organisations. On the one hand, there are several reasons why individuals should spend their time in one organization. The first reason is that it will bring a stable income for those people. This means that they can escape from stressful life such as spending money for their children, tuition fee and cost of living, which can improve their health levels, especially old ones. Additionally, they can receive a strong promotion in their working life. For example, in the military, when you have enough experiences after 4 years working, you will get a level up on their position with higher salary and funding. On the other hand, I believe people should work for different organisations because of some reasons. Firstly, there are many chances to broaden our relationships, and knowledge. For instance, meeting other foreign people could bring knowledge related to society, people and religion in their country. Which means that you might have a chance to earn more money. Secondly, as the world is becoming more modern, people have to find ways to deal with a variety of problems in life. For example, they will not scare or nervous when working with many strange people came from around the world, which allows individuals to focus on their works without being stressed. In conclusion, while there are reasons why working in one organisation is good, I believe that different organisations will bring many benefits to people.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
The usual preposition for "perspectives" is "on" not "about." Revise: "perspectives on".
perspectives about
spending all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. Although contribution for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
advantages in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should devote their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
.

On the one hand, there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why individuals should spend their time in one
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organization' and 'organisation') within a single text.
organization
. The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
a stable income for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This means that they can escape from stressful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
such as spending money for their children, tuition fee and cost of living, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health levels,
especially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ones.
Additionally
, they can receive a strong promotion in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, in the military, when you have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
experiences after 4 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
, you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a level up on their position with higher salary and funding.

On the other hand
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should work for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
.
Firstly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
chances to broaden our relationships, and knowledge.
For instance
, meeting other foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
knowledge related to society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and religion in their country.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
means that you might have a chance to earn more money.
Secondly
, as the world is becoming more modern,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
find ways to deal with a variety of problems in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, they will not scare or nervous when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
strange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
came from around the world, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
individuals to focus on their works without being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
.

In conclusion
, while there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in one
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay : Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think it is better to work for different organizations.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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