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In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What are the reasons for this? What in your opinion can be done about it?

In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What are the reasons for this? What in your opinion can be done about it? Nrwqd
Unemployment is on a rise, in fact even highly qualified graduates are finding it difficult to find jobs. There are several reasons behind this unfortunate development. In my opinion, people should start sweating it out and be ready to do any job. The ongoing economic crisis is one of the main reasons for unemployment. Recession has forced many organizations to stop hiring young graduates. As, a result many of the fresh graduates are not able to receive job offers. Even the existing employees are also being laid off in due to the financial turmoil around the world. It should be noted that nation like US, England, Russia have long stopped growing. When the economy becomes stagnant, the need of new talent also diminishes. At the same time, the numbers of people becoming graduates are increasing exponentially. This is particularly true in developing nations. Due their increasing economy many people are able to afford university education. For example, In India the numbers of people graduated in 2018 are much higher when compared to a decade ago. Unfortunately, In spite of their economic growth many graduates are still left without employment. Additionally, developed nations are looking at outsourcing of jobs to developing nations where cheap labour is available. In my opinion, young graduates should stop looking for jobs in fortune 500 companies and they should find jobs themselves. The internet has actually made it easier. It allows people to sell their products or services to parties interested all over the world. Also graduates seeking employment should their obsession with White collar jobs. If they don’t mind sweating it out, jobs are available. To conclude, unemployment can be attributed to two main factors – the increase in the number of graduates and also the economic crisis around the world. The only way to solve this problem is to encourage people to find employment
Unemployment is on a rise, in fact even
highly
qualified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
are finding it difficult to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. There are several reasons behind this unfortunate development. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
sweating it out and be ready to do any job.

The ongoing economic crisis is one of the main reasons for unemployment. Recession has forced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
organizations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
hiring young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
, a result
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
are not able to receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
offers. Even the existing employees are
also
being laid
off in due to the financial turmoil around the world. It should
be noted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
like US, England, Russia have long
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
growing. When the economy becomes stagnant, the need of new talent
also
diminishes.

At the same time, the numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
are increasing
exponentially
. This is
particularly
true in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
Did you mean to use the verb "do"?
Due
their increasing economy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to afford university education.
For example
, In India the numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
graduated in 2018 are much higher when compared to a decade ago. Unfortunately,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
their economic growth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
are
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
without employment.
Additionally
, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are looking at outsourcing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
is available.

In my opinion, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
looking for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
fortune 500
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
companies and
they should find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
themselves. The internet has actually made it easier. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to sell their products or services to parties interested all over the world.
Also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
seeking employment should their obsession with White collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. If they don’t mind sweating it out,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are available.

To conclude
, unemployment can
be attributed
to two main factors
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
the increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
and
also
the economic crisis around the world. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to solve this problem is to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to find
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
employment
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IELTS essay In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What are the reasons for this? What in your opinion can be done about it?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
309 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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