Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people say that mobile phones are unnecessary for young group while others find that its useful for younger ones discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people say that mobile phones are unnecessary for young group while others find that its useful for younger ones discuss both views and give your opinion KwVJL
It is a debatable issue whether mobile phones are good for teenagers or not. some individuals argued that it is unnecessary for young group. However, I favour the ones who opine that it is useful for young ones. I will discuss both the conflicting arguments in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, some people argued that mobile phones are bad things for children. There are quite reasons behind this. First and foremost is children give more attention to mobile phones rather than studies and social activities. To be more precise, if more students spend their time on mobile phones, then their academic performance will be low. A research is carried out in this direction revealed that 90% of the students who uses the mobile phone at tremendous rate, they are often weak in their academic field. Moreover, teenagers see many vulnerable activities on internet. In other words, it will encourage them to attain bad habits in their own. For instance, many advertisements are presented on youtube and social sites based on vulnerable activities, it encourages them to do same and become culprit of society. However, I favour the ones who reckon that mobile phones are good for the development of teenagers. one of the most vivid reason is mobile inculcate motor skills in children. they do a lot of practical activities on it which they cannot attain from other resources rather than technological gadgets. To exemplify, most of young children spend their time on playing games on phones which teaches them to handle the situation. When they play puzzle games, it will boost their level of thinking and try to solve this by various ways. Besides this, mobiles are source of vast knowledge. Nowadays, most of the children use internet on mobiles, it will help them to understand the academic topics as well as other social topics. Due to this, they can get profound knowledge about any topic. For example, if they use internet in their studies they will get 20% more marks than others who do not use. To recapitulate, after analysing aforementioned, it can be deduced that although other individuals think that mobile phones influence them to walk on bad path but I believe that it is necessary thing for young children leads them to get achievements.
It is a debatable issue whether mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
or not.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
some
individuals argued that it is unnecessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
group.
However
, I
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
opine that it is useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. I will discuss both the conflicting arguments in the upcoming paragraphs.

To commence with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argued that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. There are quite reasons behind this.
First
and foremost is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
give more attention to mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
rather
than studies and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. To be more precise, if more students spend their time on mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, then their academic performance will be low.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
is carried
out in this direction revealed that 90% of the students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
at tremendous rate, they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
weak in their academic field.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
vulnerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
on internet. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, it will encourage them to attain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advertisements
are presented
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtube
and social sites based on vulnerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, it encourages them to do same and become culprit of society.

However
, I
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
reckon that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the development of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
one
of the most vivid
Please check whether a plural form of 'reason' should be used.
reason
is mobile inculcate motor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
on it which they cannot attain from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
resources
rather
than technological gadgets. To exemplify, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend their time on playing games on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
which teaches them to handle the situation. When they play puzzle games, it will boost their level of thinking and try to solve this by various ways.
Besides
this, mobiles are source of vast knowledge. Nowadays, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
internet on mobiles, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to understand the academic topics
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
social topics. Due to this, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
profound knowledge about any topic.
For example
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
internet in their studies they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
20% more marks than others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

To recapitulate, after
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
aforementioned, it can
be deduced
that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
influence them to walk on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
path
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that it
Please check whether an article is missing: "is a necessary" or "is an necessary"
is necessary
thing for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
leads them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
achievements.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Some people say that mobile phones are unnecessary for young group while others find that its useful for younger ones discuss both views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
379 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • Some people say that mobile phones are unnecessary for young group while others find that its useful for younger ones discuss both views and give your opinion