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Some people believe that if people are allowed to buy guns, they will be able to protect themselves and the crime rate can be lower. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

Some people believe that if people are allowed to buy guns, they will be able to protect themselves and the crime rate can be lower. ？ BJ7o5
People believe that gun weapon should be legal for protecting themselves and reducing the crime rate. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this idea, using guns can make people feel safe, but it can increase the crime rate. Thus, I think gun weapon should be illegal for almost everybody. On the one hand, gun weapon is used to shoot, hurt, or kill someone. Therefore, allowance of governments to use guns can lead people buy them more; people can hurt easily other ones that can increase violence and crime rates, and also result in more the deaths. For instance, when people are angry, loss control their emotions and feelings, contrast with others, they can have unreasonable and bad activities such as hurting some else which can make them regret, badly, they can kill others if they own guns. A great deal of evidences indicate that the number of criminals in countries where guns are legal to use as United States is more than one in countries where people must not use guns as Vietnam. On the other hand, owning and using a gun can affect people’s psychology and behaviors to become more violent and commit crimes easily. People can feel that hurting others by guns is just self-defense and not crime, they are not false. They can use guns to revenge or threaten others. An example of that is if authorities allow people to use guns, robbers can take advantage of this that they buy guns and use guns for threaten people and easily carry out their crime. People will worry about that they can be hurt or killed when guns are used popularly. In conclusion, I believed that guns had better illegal to own and carry because they are dangerous weapons, and allowance to use them can increase the violence and crime rates.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weapon
should be legal for protecting themselves and reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel safe,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
.
Thus
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weapon
should be illegal for almost everybody.

On the one hand,
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gun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weapon
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to shoot, hurt, or kill someone.
Therefore
, allowance of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
can lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them more;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can hurt
easily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ones that can increase violence and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
, and
also
result in more the deaths.
For instance
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are angry, loss control their emotions and feelings, contrast with others, they can have unreasonable and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
activities such as hurting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
else which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them regret,
badly
, they can kill others if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
. A great deal of evidences
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "indicates"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'indicate' is not always incorrect.)
indicate
that the number of criminals in countries where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
are legal to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
A determiner is probably missing here: "as the United States".
as United States
is more than one in countries where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
as Vietnam.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, owning and using a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
can affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
psychology and behaviors to become more violent and commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
easily
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can feel that hurting others by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
self-defense and not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, they are not false. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
to revenge or threaten others. An example of
that is
if authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
, robbers can take advantage of this that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
for threaten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
easily
carry out their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
will worry about that they can
be hurt
or killed when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
popularly
.

In conclusion
, I believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
had better illegal to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and carry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weapons
, and allowance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them can increase the violence and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that if people are allowed to buy guns, they will be able to protect themselves and the crime rate can be lower. ？

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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  • Some people believe that if people are allowed to buy guns, they will be able to protect themselves and the crime rate can be lower. To what extent do you agree or disagree？