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In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion can/should be done about it?

In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion can/should be done about it? MPpa
A common problem nowadays is, that many graduates with a high-level degree do not have a job. This essay will suggest, the technological improvements and the phenomenon called “brain drain” as possible causes which lead to the problem of unemployment. Furthermore, it will submit the expand of companies in the world as possible solution for qualified graduates to get a job. Due to globalization and the technical improvements in companies, many jobs get taken over from machinery. This leads to the problem of the loss of jobs because machinery is now able to complete work previously done by humans. Furthermore, the problem is that this phenomenon will continue to expand over the whole world because due to machinery, companies do not have to pay employees anymore. Especially the western countries are known for their few low-skilled or unskilled jobs, however an increasing number of high-skilled jobs become extinct too. Not only machinery and technology are the reasons for that but a phenomenon called “brain drain” which gets intensified, due to globalization. It is basically the migration of high-skilled workers or graduates from one country to another. This happens because globalization offers people the chance to study or work in a country with better economic resources like California. California is the destination many high degree graduates wish to work because they have lots of chances there. For example, the Silicon Valley is a highly recommended place for workers, due to the wide range of experiment possibilities. However, this leads to the problem that too many workers migrate to one place and thus, not everyone gets a job. In spite of all the problems, there are many different solutions. First of all, we should stop the process of “brain drain” because it has also a negative affect for the countries rather people migrate. In order to encourage people to stay we need to have more jobs chances. This could work, if companies start to expand over the world in order to offer everyone in every culture a job. An example for this is the company SAP. This huge technology company situated many companies all over the world, thus people are encouraged to stay in their own country and furthermore many people get the chance to work in the working field in which they have specialized themselves in. Additionally, machinery is an opposing topic in the work-life and many people argue that it should be expand even more. However, it should not reach a level of complete unemployment. To ensure that this is not happening, nowadays there are many labor law policies in Europe and the US which make sure that a company provides employment for humans. Thus, they are not allowed to replace humans completely with technology. To conclude, it is clear that even though there are many problems of high-skilled unemployment, there are many ways like policies or the expand of companies over the world to solve such problems. In my opinion, we should be careful with the practice of replacing real workers with machinery. That’s because technology is not perfect and most of the time human make better and sufficienter job.
A common
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problem
nowadays is, that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
with a high-level degree do not have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. This essay will suggest, the technological improvements and the phenomenon called “brain drain” as possible causes which lead to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of unemployment.
Furthermore
, it will submit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expand
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
as possible solution for qualified
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graduates
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
get
a job.

Due to globalization and the technical improvements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
get
taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machinery
. This leads to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of the loss of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
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machinery
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
able to complete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
previously done by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is that this phenomenon will continue to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
due to
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machinery
,
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companies
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay employees anymore.
Especially
the western
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countries
are known
for their few low-skilled or unskilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
however
an increasing number of high-skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
become extinct too. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machinery
and technology are the reasons for that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a phenomenon called “brain drain” which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gets
intensified, due to globalization. It is
basically
the migration of high-skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to another. This happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
globalization offers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the chance to study or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with better economic resources like California. California is the destination
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
high degree
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
wish to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chances
there.
For example
, the Silicon Valley is a
highly
recommended place for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
, due to the wide range of experiment possibilities.
However
, this leads to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
that too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
migrate to one place and
thus
, not everyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gets
a job.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
solutions.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the process of “brain drain”
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has
also
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
rather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
migrate. In order to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay we need to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chances
. This could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
in order to offer everyone in every culture a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. An example for this is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
SAP. This huge technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
situated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are encouraged
to stay in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
furthermore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
get
the chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the working field in which they have specialized themselves in.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machinery
is an opposing topic in the work-life and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that it should be
Consider using the past participle "expanded"?
expand
even more.
However
, it should not reach a level of complete unemployment. To ensure that this is not happening, nowadays there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
labor law policies in Europe and the US which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
provides employment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
.
Thus
, they are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
completely with technology.

To conclude
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
even though
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of high-skilled unemployment, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways like policies or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expand
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
to solve such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. In my opinion, we should be careful with the practice of replacing real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machinery
. That’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
technology is not perfect and most of the time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better and
Possible spelling mistake found.
sufficienter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
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IELTS essay In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion can/should be done about it?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
521 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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