Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In many countries, the rich are becoming richer and poor are becoming poorer.

Nowadays, rich people, who are mostly industrialists, are becoming more richer day by day whereas the poor people are struggling for their basic needs. I believe that most of the rich people are able to multiply their wealth faster and easily with the help of quality education and knowledge. This contentious topic has been profoundly debated in many economical forums. I will elucidate the pertinent reason for causes and pragmatic solutions meticulously before inclining towards a rational conclusion. Throwing light to my view, I feel that rich people like industrialists have more influence in political proceedings to safeguard their business by making deals with bad political people. Poor People, who are mostly backward and middle class, do not have enough money to get proper education and it is an impediment for them to gain knowledge. Moreover, I think that backward people do not have enough investment to start a business on their own in order to become an entrepreneur and grow in the society. To illustrate, Owners of road side shops in our country, who do not have proper investment, are struggling to establish their business. Paradoxically, poor people need to get proper and quality education in order to get highly paid jobs and improve their lifestyle. Rich industrialists and MNCs, who are successful entrepreneurs, need to help their poor dealers to expand their business thereby enjoying a win-win situation. Furthermore, I urge that government needs to establish more schemes and allocate more budget for poor people's welfare since it will encourage poor young graduates to start new business. For instance, MSME, which is an Indian government organisation, helps people to be trained in entrepreneurship with low cost. To recapitulate, rich people are having easy access to knowledge and becoming more richer easily however government can help poor people to gain more knowledge and increase their standard of living.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
mostly
industrialists, are becoming
Use only "richer" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more richer
day by day whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are struggling for their basic needs.

I believe that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to multiply their wealth faster and
easily
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of quality education and knowledge.

This contentious topic has been
profoundly
debated in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
economical forums.

I will elucidate the pertinent reason for causes and pragmatic solutions
meticulously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
inclining towards a rational conclusion.

Throwing light to my view, I feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like industrialists have more influence in political proceedings to safeguard their business by making deals with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
political
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
mostly
backward and middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper education and it is an impediment for them to gain knowledge.

Moreover
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that backward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
investment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a business on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
in order to become an entrepreneur and grow in the society.

To illustrate, Owners of road side shops in our country,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not have proper investment, are struggling to establish their business.

Paradoxically
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper and quality education in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
highly
paid jobs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their lifestyle.

Rich industrialists and
Possible spelling mistake found.
MNCs
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are successful entrepreneurs, need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
dealers to expand their business thereby enjoying a win-win situation.

Furthermore
, I urge that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to establish more schemes and allocate more budget for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's welfare since it will encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
young graduates to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
new business.

For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
MSME
, which is an Indian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
be trained
in entrepreneurship with low cost.

To recapitulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are having easy access to knowledge and becoming
Use only "richer" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more richer
easily
however
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to gain more knowledge and increase their standard of living.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay In many countries, the rich are becoming richer and poor are becoming poorer.

Essay
  American English
13 paragraphs
309 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts