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In many countries, the proportion of older people is increasing steadily. Do you think it is a positive or negative change to society?

In many countries, the proportion of older people is increasing steadily. Do you think it is a positive or negative change to society? 1kkDM
In recent years, there has been a growing percentage of the elderly in some countries. In my opinion, this trend has both positive and negative consequences in equal measure. The rise in the population of older people can be seen as positive for several reasons. Firstly, it is likely that some senior citizens possess intimate knowledge in terms of work, people’s relationships and life, so they could become great consultants for a young generation. For example, many senior managers might consult junior managers about tactics to overcome financial hardship in their corporations. Secondly, several elderly people enable to do full-time voluntary work such as becoming teachers in orphanages because they seem to have a great deal of spare time when they reach the age of retirement. As a result, those orphan children will have great opportunities to pursue their dreams in the future. However, the arguments given above can be considered from the opposite angle. The first reason is that an aging population is in the demand of receiving extra healthcare that could be a financial burden to national budgets. For example, the government has to invest state budgets to expanding old-age pension to meet the rise in that population, while those finance could be invested in other sectors. The second reason is that there would be a devoid of young workforce because of an increasing number of retired people. This could lead to a government budget deficit when the revenues generated from taxpayers cannot cover unexpected elderly-related expenses. In conclusion, the grow in the aging population will have both beneficial and detrimental effects.
In recent years, there has been a growing percentage of the elderly in
some
countries. In my opinion, this trend has both
positive
and
negative
consequences in equal measure.

The rise in the
population
of older
people
can be
seen
as
positive
for several reasons.
Firstly
, it is likely that
some
senior citizens possess intimate knowledge in terms of work,
people’s
relationships and life,
so
they could become great consultants for a young generation.
For example
,
many
senior managers might consult junior managers about tactics to overcome financial hardship in their corporations.
Secondly
, several elderly
people
enable to do full-time voluntary work such as becoming teachers in orphanages
because
they seem to have a great deal of spare time when they reach the age of retirement.
As a result
, those orphan children will have great opportunities to pursue their dreams in the future.

However
, the arguments
given
above can
be considered
from the opposite angle. The
first
reason is that an aging
population
is in the demand of receiving extra healthcare that could be a financial burden to national budgets.
For example
, the
government
has to
invest state budgets to expanding
old
-age pension to
meet
the rise in that
population
, while those finance could
be invested
in other sectors. The second reason is that there would be
a devoid of
young workforce
because
of an increasing number of retired
people
. This could lead to a
government
budget deficit when the revenues generated from taxpayers cannot cover unexpected elderly-related expenses.

In conclusion
, the
grow
in the aging
population
will have both beneficial and detrimental effects.
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IELTS essay In many countries, the proportion of older people is increasing steadily. Do you think it is a positive or negative change to society?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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