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In many countries the level of crime is increasing. What are the reasons for this? How can be deal with those causes?

In many countries the level of crime is increasing. What are the reasons for this? How can be deal with those causes? GMp3L
Nowadays, many places experienced a massive increased in the crime rate. It's a common problem in every country in today's generation. However, most youngsters are involved in many vices and lack of education. The government should do preventive action about this situation. To begin with, young people find comfort and belongingness with their friends, though it will give them a bad influence. For instance, a teenager who wants to be accepted in a certain group, they would obey whatever the leader say, like using drugs and do some crime in the community, for them to be in. Next, child support of education is a must to every person, either you don't have money or you can sustain yourself. Instead of going to school, they would prefer to be with other kids and do things which are against the law. They can find money in a wrong way because someone taught them to do. For example, selling drugs is rampant in my country, they used kids and other individuals to do so. Since these people wanted to earn money easily, they will grab the opportunity since they cannot find a job because they are undergraduate. Moreover, the government should do to prevent the increasing amount of crimes happened. Like in the Philippines, President Duterte moved and took action especially in drugs. He collected the names of those people who used or dealer before and he put them to the rehabilitation centre. If they refused to obey, he would kill them. So, people are afraid and follow his rules. In conclusion, proper guidance of every people especially the youngsters and with the help of the government, the increasing rate of crime will reduce.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places experienced a massive increased in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate. It's a common problem in every country in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's generation.
However
, most youngsters
are involved
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
vices and lack of education. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should do preventive action about this situation.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find comfort and
Possible spelling mistake found.
belongingness
with their friends, though it will give them a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence.
For instance
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
who wants to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
in a certain group, they would obey whatever the leader say, like using drugs and do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in the community, for them to be in.

Next
, child support of education is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
to every person, either you don't have money or you can sustain yourself.
Instead
of going to school, they would prefer to be with other kids and do things which are against the law. They can find money in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
someone taught them to do.
For example
, selling drugs is rampant in my country, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
kids and other individuals to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. Since these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wanted to earn money
easily
, they will grab the opportunity since they cannot find a job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are undergraduate.

Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should do to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the increasing amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
happened. Like in the Philippines, President
Possible spelling mistake found.
Duterte
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
and took action
especially
in drugs. He collected the names of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
or dealer
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
before and
he put them to the rehabilitation
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
. If they refused to obey, he would kill them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are afraid and follow his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.

In conclusion
, proper guidance of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
the youngsters and with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, the increasing rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
.
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IELTS essay In many countries the level of crime is increasing. What are the reasons for this? How can be deal with those causes?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
281 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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