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in many countries, the amount of crime is increasing.what do you think are the main causes of crime. hoe can we deal with those causes?

in last two decades, the crime rate has been increased in most of the countries. In my opinion, crime has many causes to be conducted, but there are some main reasons of crimes which make a person criminal are poverty because of unemployment and laws which are not followed strictly. Firstly, beyond any cavil the crime is the evidence of some hidden activity such as poverty due to unemployment. Crime is growing as people who are jobless have responsibilities of their families, to provide them food they have the easiest way to fulfilled their family's need is to do crime. For example, a person who is the only member of the family who supports expenses he snatches mobile phones and wallets to get some money to get food for his children. The solution to this problem is to government should offers employment and companies play a role to offers job without any useless conditions. Secondly, the another factor of crime growth is laziness of our police and bad attitude of our society. Some of our bad citizen never follow rules and do illegal things. For instance, one of the higher-level person do crime and never got punished which instigates him more to do crimes. The solution for this is to government will make a rule that everyone treated as same and strictly if anyone execute crime. To recapitulate, crime is growing really fast in recent times which is the errors of our society. Unwaged and laws and order are the main factor of crime. Government should take action to improves these issues to minimize the crime. Offering suitable jobs and taking strict actions against guilty people will make our world crime less.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
in
last two decades, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate has
been increased
in most of the countries. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causes to
be conducted
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
main reasons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a person criminal are poverty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of unemployment and laws which are not followed
strictly
.

Firstly
, beyond any cavil the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is the evidence of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hidden activity such as poverty due to unemployment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crime
is growing as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are jobless have responsibilities of their families, to provide them food they have the easiest way to fulfilled their family's need is to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
For example
, a person who is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
member of the family who supports expenses he snatches mobile phones and wallets to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
food for his children. The solution to this problem is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
The modal verb ‘should’ requires the verb’s base form.
offers
employment and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
play a role to offers job without any useless conditions.

Secondly
, the another factor of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
growth is laziness of our police and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
attitude of our society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
citizen never follow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and do illegal things.
For instance
, one of the higher-level person do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
punished which instigates him more to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. The solution for this is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
that everyone treated as same and
strictly
if anyone execute crime.

To recapitulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is growing
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
in recent times which is the errors of our society. Unwaged and laws and order are the main factor of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should take action to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
these issues to minimize the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. Offering suitable jobs and taking strict actions against guilty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
less.
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IELTS essay in many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. what do you think are the main causes of crime. hoe can we deal with those causes?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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