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In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing.

There are numerical issues about the incidence of crimes which are increasing in a lot of states. Although there are several effects which will trigger to negative consequences, individuals can take steps to solve these problems. Firstly, the 2 possible causes which trigger crime waves are small amount of salary and the Internet. It means, if there is not enough money to survive, most people tend to be unconscious which can lead to the criminal activities, such as assault, burglary, drug trafficking or even killing. Besides, in the 21st century there are huge amount of online crimes. For example, fraud and hacking is the most popular once and it is not only intention to gain an advantage, but just stealing or break someone’s information or email for own “pleasure”. Also, there are numerous hacker who want to know about their knowledge or skills by attacking servers via the Internet. For example, we can see that numbers of attacks to the servers of Pentagon becoming more and more. Despite these problems, there are some possible solutions which can be done. First of all, the government should increase the amount of wage for employees and it could be the best solution to reduce the rate of bribery. Secondly, we should to raise the awareness among people by giving them information about new types of crimes, such as the Internet crimes. Finally, increasing numbers of polices, legislations and confines would the most important preventions for the most states. In conclusion, although there are some substances which could cause to the crime rates, providing relevant information to society, increasing the amount of wages and imposing penalties will help to fight against crimes.
There are numerical issues about the incidence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
which are increasing in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
states. Although there are several effects which will trigger to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences, individuals can take steps to solve these problems.

Firstly
, the 2 possible causes which trigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
waves are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of salary and the Internet. It means, if there is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to survive, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to be unconscious which can lead to the criminal activities, such as assault, burglary, drug trafficking or even killing.
Besides
, in the 21st century there are huge
Possible agreement error. Did you mean “amounts”?
amount
of online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
For example
, fraud and hacking is the most popular
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
once and
it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
intention to gain an advantage,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
stealing or break someone’s information or email for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
“pleasure”.
Also
, there are numerous
Possible agreement error. Did you mean “hackers”, “hacks”?
hacker
who want to know about their knowledge or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by attacking servers via the Internet.
For example
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that numbers of attacks to the servers of Pentagon becoming more and more.

Despite these problems, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions which can
be done
.
Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of wage for
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
employees and
it could be the best solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the rate of bribery.
Secondly
, we should to raise the awareness among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by giving them information about new types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, such as the Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
Finally
, increasing numbers of polices, legislations and confines would the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
preventions for the most states.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
substances which could cause to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates, providing relevant information to society, increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of wages and imposing penalties will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to fight against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
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IELTS essay In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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