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In many countries, large amount of public money is used for improving internet access by government. Why is this happening? Do you think this is the most appropriate way of using public money?

In many countries, large amount of public money is used for improving internet access by government. Why is this happening? Do you think this is the most appropriate way of using public money? yGkyr
In many countries, large amount of public money is used for improving internet access by government. Why is this happening? Do you think this is the most appropriate way of using public money? In majority of nations, a wide amount of monetary resources are invested in developing internet services. There are many reasons behind this phenomenon, however I believe that this is not the effective utilisation of funds. There are multifarious causes why authorities expend money on improving internet access. The most prominent reason is that citizens are able to access resources of information effectively at anytime. To be precise, they can have an opportunity to broaden their horizons through reading newspaper online or searching details on the Internet. In addition, Internet always offers opening access to those people who are willing to learn regardless of age location and background. Another reason is that the Internet helps to enhance the growth of the economy. Online sale has become more common these days, improving Internet access, boost the domestic as well as international trade. Although the Internet brings benefits to people I believe that more pressing need to be invested with government’s financial funds. Firstly, Government should invest public budget on healthcare and education system. For example, some schools in developing countries require More facilities with capable teachers and administrators. Secondly, national security is a rewarding concern. More money should be used for police and security service to increase safety of citizens. To conclude, although there are sound reasons why public authorities should allocate funds in improving internet, I believe that there are more important problems which demand government funding.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
money is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improving
internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. Why is this happening? Do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is the most appropriate way of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
money?

In
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
nations, a wide amount of monetary resources
are invested
in developing internet services. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
behind this phenomenon,
however
I believe that this is not the effective
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilisation' is British English.
utilisation
of funds.

There are multifarious causes why authorities expend money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improving
internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
. The most prominent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that citizens are able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
resources of information
effectively
at anytime. To be precise, they can have an opportunity to broaden their horizons through reading newspaper online or searching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
on the Internet.
In addition
, Internet always offers opening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are willing to learn regardless of age location and background.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that the Internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to enhance the growth of the economy. Online sale has become more common these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improving
Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
, boost the domestic
as well
as international trade.

“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
the Internet brings benefits to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
I believe that more pressing need to
be invested
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
financial funds.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
budget on healthcare and education system.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
schools in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
require More facilities with capable teachers and administrators.
Secondly
, national security is a rewarding concern. More money should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for police and security service to increase safety of citizens.

To conclude
, although there are sound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
authorities should allocate funds in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improving
internet, I believe that there are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
problems which demand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
funding.
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IELTS essay In many countries, large amount of public money is used for improving internet access by government. Why is this happening? Do you think this is the most appropriate way of using public money?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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