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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to keep themselves occupied on their own.

In contemporary era, the organized group of activities play a crucial role in their children. Some people feel that children should spend their spare time doing group activities, whilst others opine that children should find ways to keep themselves busy on their own. In my opinion, both options have their merits and demerits. Engaging in organized group activities is certainly beneficial for children. To start with, such activities are safe because children will almost always have someone to supervise them while they play. Also, they can learn several valuable skills like team spirit and cooperation when they play a team sport or get involved in a group activity. For example, when children play a sport like football or cricket, they learn the importance of working with their teammates to achieve their common goal. Such skills will benefit them in their future. These activities also enhance the confidence levels and interpersonal skills of children. On the flip side, it is not always possible to participate in group events. There are times when a child is left alone. For example, his friends could be busy with their studies and cannot play with him. Since such situations can arise every now and then, every child should be able to keep themselves occupied doing their own things. For example, they could read, write or paint. These activities not only keep them engaged, but also help them discover their hidden talents. The important downside to spending time alone is that children may use it for unproductive activities. For example, if they are left alone most children will just sit glued to their television or computer. This practice, unfortunately, does not help them in any way. To conclude, it is important for children to find a way to keep themselves occupied on their own. However, parents should also encourage them to engage in group activities because such activities help to improve their health and overall personality.
In contemporary era, the organized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
Possible agreement error. Did you mean “plays”? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so ‘play’ is not always incorrect.)
play
a crucial role in their
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children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should spend their spare time doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, whilst others opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should find ways to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
themselves busy on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. In my opinion, both options have their merits and demerits.

Engaging in organized
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group
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activities
is
certainly
beneficial for
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children
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are safe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will almost always have someone to supervise them while they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
.
Also
, they can learn several valuable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like team spirit and cooperation when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a team sport or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. For
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example
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a sport like football or cricket, they learn the importance of working with their teammates to achieve their common goal. Such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will benefit them in their future. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
also
enhance the confidence levels and interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of children.

On the flip side, it is not always possible to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. There are times when a child is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
alone. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, his friends could be busy with their studies and cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
with him. Since such situations can arise every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and then, every child should be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
themselves occupied doing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
things. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, they could read, write or paint. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
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keep
them engaged,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them discover their hidden talents.

The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
downside to spending time alone is that
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children
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for unproductive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, if they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
alone most
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children
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
sit glued to their television or computer. This practice, unfortunately, does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in any way.

To conclude
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to find a way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
themselves occupied on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
However
, parents should
also
encourage them to engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health and
overall
personality.

IELTS essay Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to keep themselves occupied on their own.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
320 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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