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In many countries, crimes rates amongst younger people has been rising. Discuss the causes and solutions for this problem.

In many countries, crimes rates amongst younger people has been rising. Discuss the causes and solutions for this problem. eRdBp
The rise of crime rates amongst younger people in several countries have been alarming to many authorities. There are internal and external reasons as to why such incidents are happening nowadays. This essay will discuss the causes of increased crime rates and the possible solutions to address this problem. Studies have shown that there are external and internal factors that caused the increased number of crimes among teenagers and young adults. To begin with, one of the external influences is poverty. Majority of young crime offenders came from lower class families are living in slump areas where violence and drugs are most prevalent. For instance, the most number of crimes recorded daily by police stations in the Philippines are in poor neighbourhoods where a number of people deals with drugs. Hence, these young adults are being negatively influenced by adults around them to deal with drugs or participate in other crimes in exchange of money. Furthermore, unhealthy relationship among families and lack of attention from parents are considered primary factors in an internal environment. Parents have big contributions in the mental and psychological development of a child. Unfortunately, one of the main reasons why most kids get involved in crimes are due to lack of care and support from their families. Thus, this unhealthy relationship amongst family members has lead some kids to hang out with people who can adversely influenced their decisions in life. The involvement of young people in crime rates can be solved if the external and internal factors will be addressed. Firstly, children in poverty should be encourage to be more engaged in education and sports. For example, the government should setup sports clinic or provide athletic scholarship to younger people who have interest in sports. Secondly, local authorities and school administration must provide financial aids to those children who belong in poor communities to keep them motivated from studying. Thirdly, parents should reach out to their kids and start building good relationship with them. Furthermore, no matter what social status any families belong to, parents must give proper attention to their children and ensure that they are being guided correctly in every decision they are making in their life. Parents must be more greatly involved in their children’s life so that they can also guide them in choosing the right set of friends. In conclusion, the increased rate in crimes amongst young people can be attributed to external and internal factors around them. Therefore, government, communities, and parents should work hand-in-hand to ensure proper support and guidance are being given to all teenagers and young adults.
The rise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
amongst younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in several countries have been alarming to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
authorities. There are
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internal
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
external
reasons as to why such incidents are happening nowadays. This essay will discuss the causes of increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
and the possible solutions to address this problem.

Studies have shown that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
external
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
internal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that caused the increased number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
Do not mix variants of the same word ('among' and 'amongst') within a single text.
among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
external
influences is poverty. Majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
offenders came from lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are living in slump areas where violence and drugs are most prevalent.
For instance
, the most number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
recorded daily by police stations in the Philippines are in poor
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhoods' is British English.
neighbourhoods
where a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
deals with drugs.
Hence
, these
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
are being
negatively
influenced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
around them to deal with drugs or participate in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
The usual prepositions to use after "in exchange" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "in exchange for"?
in exchange of
money.
Furthermore
, unhealthy relationship
Do not mix variants of the same word ('among' and 'amongst') within a single text.
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and lack of attention from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are considered
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
internal
environment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
contributions in the mental and psychological development of a child. Unfortunately, one of the main reasons why most kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are due to lack of care and support from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
Thus
, this unhealthy relationship amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members has lead
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kids to hang out with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who can
adversely
influenced their decisions in life.

The involvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
can
be solved
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
external
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
internal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
will
be addressed
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in poverty should be
Consider using the past participle "encouraged"?
encourage
to be more engaged in education and sports.
For example
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
The verb 'set up' is spelled as two words. The noun 'setup' is spelled as one.
should setup
sports clinic or provide athletic scholarship to younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have interest in sports.
Secondly
, local authorities and school administration
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
provide financial aids to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who belong in poor communities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them motivated from studying.
Thirdly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should reach out to their kids and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship with them.
Furthermore
, no matter what social status any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
belong to,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
give proper attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and ensure that they are
being guided
correctly
in every decision they are making in their life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be more
greatly
involved in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
also
guide them in choosing the right set of friends.

In conclusion
, the increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be attributed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
external
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
internal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
around them.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, communities, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should work hand-in-hand to ensure proper support and guidance are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
.
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IELTS essay In many countries, crimes rates amongst younger people has been rising. Discuss the causes and solutions for this problem.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
431 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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