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In many countries children are getting obese. Discuss reasons and solutions to this. v.1

In many countries children are getting obese. Discuss reasons and solutions to this. v. 1
In this contemporary world, urbanisation has taken over and everyone aims to ultimately settle in a metropolitan city. However, this booming trend has afflicted many problems like overpopulation and health hazards among the urban settlers which consequently supports the reasons of why the government should promote migration to regional towns shall be discussed below. Firstly, the city dwellers mainly face problems secondary to overcrowding. To elaborate, it has lead to a compact and high density of settlements, increased competition and imbalance in the demand-supply chain. As a consequence, the cost of living has dramatically increased in cosmopolitans like London, New York, Hong Kong, etc. for instance. It incurs a huge financial burden and a plethora of undue bills and pending loans. Secondly, there occurs a deterioration in the well-being of city citizens too. Because of unemployment, pollution, inactive and expensive lifestyle and all the sorts, the happiness index and overall health of urban residents are far lower than that of town and village dwellers. This has resulted in physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health depletion manifesting in the form of obesity, infectious and sedentary lifestyle diseases, depression, stress, suicide, etc. To conclude, reiterating the points of secondary effects of densely packed civilizations and adverse wellness concerns, these are some of the major challenges faced by the mega-city residents. Hence, to tackle and combat this situation effectively and efficiently, governments at national and local levels should promote the development of regional towns as well as villages and focus on equipping it with all the modern and essential amenities that would persuade the citizens to move out of large cities.
In this contemporary world,
urbanisation
has taken over and everyone aims to
ultimately
settle in a metropolitan city.
However
, this booming trend has afflicted
many
problems like overpopulation and health hazards among the urban settlers which
consequently
supports the reasons of why the
government
should promote migration to regional towns shall
be discussed
below.

Firstly
, the city dwellers
mainly
face problems secondary to overcrowding. To elaborate, it has lead to a compact and high density of settlements, increased competition and imbalance in the demand-supply chain. As a consequence, the cost of living has
dramatically
increased in cosmopolitans like London, New York, Hong Kong, etc.
for instance
. It incurs a huge financial burden and a plethora of undue bills and pending loans.

Secondly
, there occurs a deterioration in the well-being of city citizens too.
Because
of unemployment, pollution, inactive and expensive lifestyle and all the sorts, the happiness index and
overall
health of urban residents are far lower than that of town and village dwellers. This has resulted in physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health depletion manifesting in the form of obesity, infectious and sedentary lifestyle diseases, depression,
stress
, suicide, etc.

To conclude
, reiterating the points of secondary effects of
densely
packed civilizations and adverse wellness concerns, these are
some of the
major challenges faced by the mega-city residents.
Hence
, to tackle and combat this situation
effectively
and
efficiently
,
governments
at national and local levels should promote the development of regional towns
as well
as villages and focus on equipping it with all the modern and essential amenities that would persuade the citizens to
move
out of large
cities
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries children are getting obese. Discuss reasons and solutions to this. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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