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In many countries around the world, shopping has turned into a form of entertainment rather than a way of getting what people need. Discuss the reason for this trend. Is it a positive or negative development ?

In this ultra modern epoch, purchasing have become a leisure activity. It is an undeniable fact that shopping is seen first as a function and secondarily as something that serves emotion and social needs. As income have grown, choices have exploded and free time has increased, shopping has become entertainment. Apparently, various factors breeds its popularity. However, it is destructive trend. Fundamentally, the predominant factors that evidently trigger it can be observed. To begin with, the individuals enjoying heavy salary bags. If the inhabitants working in high reputed organisation such as Amazon, Google, Tata and so on. By dint of, people who have staggering salary may enjoy their leisure time in shopping. Secondly, a significant rise of credit cards and easy installment schemes in the countries stimulate people to do more shopping. When the person experience whopping wages then majority of the banks offered credit cards thus makes the human to do more shopping even if they do not have money. To exemplify, when the inhabitant want to shop mobile phone, the can purchase it instantly through utilizing credit cards. Such purchase were not possible in the earlier days. Consequently, people treat shopping as an entertainment. Nevertheless, I find this trend negative for multifarious reasons. Chiefly, the common people would face potential problems in finance. When the inhabitants do more shopping and buy unnecessary things then it makes the person to go under financial crisis. Owing to, majority of the citizens brought luxuries things to gain attention of the public. For instance, a recent survey by Reserve bank has revealed that 80% of youngsters borrowed loans from bank to purchase products that are beyond their capacity. Subsequently, most of them become financial defaulters. Suffice to say, the shopping makes the person to relax and renders to get out of their hectic work schedule. On the contrary, it has inherited downside such as makes the inhabitant to suffer from credits.
In this ultra modern epoch, purchasing have become a leisure activity. It is an undeniable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
first
as a function and
secondarily
as something that serves emotion and social needs. As income have grown, choices have exploded and free time has increased,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has become entertainment.
Apparently
, various factors breeds its popularity.
However
, it is destructive trend.

Fundamentally
, the predominant factors that
evidently
trigger it can
be observed
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the individuals enjoying heavy salary bags. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inhabitants
working in high reputed
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
such as Amazon, Google, Tata and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. By dint of,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have staggering salary may enjoy their leisure time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Secondly
, a significant rise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
cards and easy installment schemes in the countries stimulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. When the person experience whopping wages then majority of the banks offered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
cards
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the human to do more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
even if they do not have money. To exemplify, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inhabitant
want to shop mobile phone, the can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
it
instantly
through utilizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
cards. Such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
were not possible in the earlier days.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
treat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as an entertainment.

Nevertheless
, I find this trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
for multifarious reasons.
Chiefly
, the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would face potential problems in finance. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inhabitants
do more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
unnecessary things then it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the person to go under financial crisis. Owing to,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
the citizens brought luxuries things to gain attention of the public.
For instance
, a recent survey by Reserve bank has revealed that 80% of youngsters borrowed loans from bank to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
products that are beyond their capacity.
Subsequently
, most of them become financial defaulters.

Suffice to say, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the person to relax and renders to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of their hectic work schedule.
On the contrary
, it has inherited downside such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inhabitant
to suffer from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credits
.
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IELTS essay In many countries around the world, shopping has turned into a form of entertainment rather than a way of getting what people need. Discuss the reason for this trend. Is it a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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