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In many countries,an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on television and in computer and video game.to what extent do you agree or disagree

In many countries, an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on television and in computer and video game. 3ywl
The accelerating rate of crime has been attributed to the exposure of people to violent programs on electronic media such as computers and video games in most part of the world. However, I personally disagree; exposure to social media is not a sole reason for the upward trend in crime. Bad parenting and faulty correctional government policy are mostly responsible for the rising rate of crime. Admittedly, violent images on television and all other electronic media contribute to the increased rate of crime. Due to the modern day technology, people are exposed to various television programs, channels, station and websites that could affect their good morals. An instant is a case of children that love watching wrestling programs are liable to test the wrestling skills on their friends in school. However, with the advance technology such channels can be blocked to reduce detrimental impact on the characters of the children. Parenting is a fundamental aspect of every human life. The attributes and behaviour exhibited by most people are imbibed during their formative years. People exposed to abusive background are likely to be violent and commit crime in the society. For instance, a child who is brought up by drug barons is likely to grow to become a drug addict in the future. Consequently, faulty parental background which has been a persistent issue contributes immensely to the crime rate. Another major reason for high trend of crime is the incorrect correctional governmental policies for offenders. Most of the correctional homes for criminals are not educative and reformative for the criminals. Criminals are overcrowded and less hardened criminals are mixed with hardened criminals who influenced them adversely. For example, a number of developing countries, criminals are not separated according to the degree of their crimes thereby corrupting the less hardened ones prior to completion of their jail terms. Faulty correctional policy most times result to a sophisticated method of committing crime in the society. In conclusion, video games and violent images on computer screen and television has an input in crime nevertheless not solely responsible for the high trend of crime. Crimes are majorly fuelled by bad parenting and faulty correctional policies.
The accelerating rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
has
been attributed
to the exposure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
programs on electronic media such as computers and video games in most part of the world.
However
, I
personally
disagree; exposure to social media is not a sole reason for the upward trend in crime.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Bad
parenting and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
faulty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
correctional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
are
mostly
responsible for the rising rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
images on television and all other electronic media contribute to the increased rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. Due to the modern day technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are exposed
to various television programs, channels, station and websites that could affect their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
morals. An instant is a case of children that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
watching wrestling programs are liable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
the wrestling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
on their friends in school.

However
, with the advance technology such channels can
be blocked
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
detrimental impact on the characters of the children. Parenting is a fundamental aspect of every human life. The attributes and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
exhibited by most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are imbibed
during their formative years.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
exposed to abusive background are likely to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
and commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in the society.
For instance
, a child who
is brought
up by drug barons is likely to grow to become a drug addict in the future.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
faulty
parental background which has been a persistent issue contributes
immensely
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.

Another major reason for high trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is the incorrect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
correctional
governmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policies
for offenders. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
correctional
homes for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are not educative and reformative for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Criminals
are overcrowded
and less hardened
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are mixed
with hardened
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
who influenced them
adversely
.
For example
, a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are not separated according to the degree of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
thereby corrupting the less hardened ones prior to completion of their jail terms.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Faulty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
correctional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
most times result to a sophisticated method of committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in the society.

In conclusion
, video games and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
images on computer screen and television has an input in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
nevertheless
not
solely
responsible for the high trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crimes
are
majorly
fuelled by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
parenting and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
faulty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
correctional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policies
.

IELTS essay In many countries, an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on television and in computer and video game.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
360 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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