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At the present time the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

At the present time the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. 59yD
As 21st century continues to unfold the dominance of the young adults over other generations is universally recognized as an integral part of every single society. Apart from the causes and consequences this case has its own pros and cons. In this essay I should analyze whether merits outweigh the demerits or not. As a rule, young adults are regarded as the main generation to raise the demographic indicators, since they are very active in relationships. Younger or older people, namely children, adolescents, adults and older people, are not able to influence the birth rates much, since their function is certainly not to give birth. In addition to the previous fact, youngsters are the most social active generation, because they have to pass through the threshold of employment and marriage to be considered as complete mature. To an extent, many people assume the youth as the exact time to make various attempts to find out the limits and develop essential skills, such as running business, learning to negotiate, cooking or performing a first aid. As the other side of coin, the newly made adults are lack of experience and still have to acquire a dozens of skills. This case leads to an argument, that young people frequently act as a frivolous and put themselves under the meaningless risk, which affect the society as much as the further lives of youngsters themselves. Moreover, youth are still affected by destructive ideas and can be drew into doubtful actions, such as terroristic and fanatic attitudes. All of these points lead to the conclusion, that the young adults are regarded as a fundament of the society, because of their parental role. Nevertheless, they are extremely vulnerable due to their lack of life experience, which is equivalent to maturity.
As 21st century continues to unfold the dominance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
over other generations is
universally
recognized as an integral part of every single society. Apart from the causes and consequences this case has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pros and cons. In this essay I should analyze whether merits outweigh the demerits or not.

As a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
are regarded
as the main generation to raise the demographic indicators, since they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
active in relationships. Younger or older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
namely
children, adolescents,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
and older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, are not able to influence the birth rates much, since their function is
certainly
not to give birth.
In addition
to the previous fact, youngsters are the most social active generation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pass through the threshold of employment and marriage to
be considered
as complete mature. To an extent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assume the youth as the exact time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
various attempts to find out the limits and develop essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, such as running business, learning to negotiate, cooking or performing a
first
aid.

As the other side of coin, the
newly
made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
are lack of experience and
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
acquire
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a dozen" or simply "dozens"?
a dozens
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This case leads to an argument, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
frequently
act as a frivolous and put themselves under the meaningless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
, which affect the society as much as the
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of youngsters themselves.
Moreover
, youth are
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by destructive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and can be
Consider using a past participle here: "drawn".
drew
into doubtful actions, such as terroristic and fanatic attitudes.

All of these points lead to the conclusion, that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
are regarded
as a fundament of the society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their parental role.
Nevertheless
, they are
extremely
vulnerable due to their lack of life experience, which is equivalent to maturity.

IELTS essay At the present time the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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