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In many countries, a small number of people are able to purchase very expensive luxurious products. Some people believe that this is good for the economy, but others think that governments should not allow products above a certain price level. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

In many countries, a small number of people are able to purchase very expensive luxurious products. Some people believe that this is good for the economy, but others think that governments should not allow products above a certain price level. v. 1
Richness goods are a symbol of prestige in an affluent society. While spending money on luxury product sounds like an ill-advised or irrational decision for many people, there are still the ones doing it eagerly. In this essay, I want to delve deeper into the pros and cons of this trend, clarifying why I believe the merits outweigh the backward and governments should not establish restrictions about prices. Both governments and small businesses can reap the advantage of purchasing expensive luxurious goods. Governments, first of all, can levy taxes based on the income and assets of individuals. The more prosperity they have, the more tax they pay. With a stronger source of income, governments would be able to curb rampant inflation and steer the economy in the right direction. Entrepreneurs and business owners offering this kind of item can moreover gain considerable profit through their operations, which means they need the labour force to meet the supply of their demand. In other words, there would be more job opportunities for those for whom extravagance products are not affordable. The other perspective comes from people caring about having an equal nation and the fashion of people. They claim that in a circumstance in which many people struggle and have a problem making a living, others squander on unnecessary items extravagantly. That is to say, the yawning gap between the affluent public and the poor gets wider and may cause social discontent. Many governments furthermore try to promote investment culture, which is in stark contrast with offering upmarket and classy products. The culture of consumerism will become the dominant culture of society if individuals are more concerned with the representation of their social status by utilizing luxury goods than real needs. To conclude, I believe if governments had distributed the revenue of luxury purchases in lower layers of society, it would be of everyone's interests. With proper management of economic turmoil, many people are encouraged to start profitable jobs, which will lead to economic prosperity.
Richness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
are a symbol of prestige in an affluent society. While spending money on luxury product sounds like an ill-advised or irrational decision for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, there are
still
the ones doing it
eagerly
. In this essay, I want to delve deeper into the pros and cons of this trend, clarifying why I believe the merits outweigh the backward and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should not establish restrictions about prices.

Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
businesses can reap the advantage of purchasing expensive luxurious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
, can levy taxes based on the income and assets of individuals. The more prosperity they have, the more tax they pay. With a stronger source of income,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
would be able to curb rampant inflation and steer the economy in the right direction. Entrepreneurs and business owners offering this kind of item can
moreover
gain considerable profit through their operations, which means they need the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the supply of their demand.
In other words
, there would be more job opportunities for those for whom extravagance products are not affordable.

The other perspective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
caring about having an equal nation and the fashion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They claim that in a circumstance in which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
struggle and have a problem making a living, others squander on unnecessary items
extravagantly
.
That is
to say, the yawning gap between the affluent public and the poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
wider and may cause social discontent.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
furthermore
try to promote investment culture, which is in stark contrast with offering upmarket and classy products. The culture of consumerism will become the dominant culture of society if individuals are more concerned with the representation of their social status by utilizing luxury
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
than real needs.

To conclude
, I believe if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
had distributed the revenue of luxury
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
in lower layers of society, it would be of everyone's interests. With proper management of economic turmoil,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
profitable jobs, which will lead to economic prosperity.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, a small number of people are able to purchase very expensive luxurious products. Some people believe that this is good for the economy, but others think that governments should not allow products above a certain price level. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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