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In many counties people are concerned about the numbber of children who are overweight. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

In many counties people are concerned about the numbber of children who are overweight. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? PPjK
In the modernized world, a great deal of people have been concerning regarding the number of obese children. There are several causes and possible solutions, which will be written further. First of all, unhealthy eating lifestye is a major reason of this issue. Due to the reason that plenty of chilren are engaged with past food, which is full of obesity factors. Fast food takes less time and effort to make, therefore always do children prefer fast food. Secondly, athelic ability of children has been reducing, since means of sophisticated technology developed. As an illustration, nowadays a plethora of children play virtual games rather than real ones. Because games played via technological devices, are significantly engaging and interactive that lure attention of chilsren easily. This problem can be addressed by altering eating habits to robust lifestyle, such as vegetables, fruits and home-made meals. As a consequence, nutrients and vitamins can give a hand, so as to get rid of obesity. By the same token, the solution is for the parents to limit consumption of mobile devices for their childen. Children ought to utilize them during no more than 2 hours per day. Additionally, daily physical activities are, also crucial in order to keep fit. At the final analysis, I ponder that consuming too much fast food and electronic devices cen be tackled by altering eating system and limiting usage of technologies.
In the modernized world, a great deal of
people
have been concerning regarding the number of obese
children
. There are several causes and possible solutions, which will
be written
further
.
First of all
, unhealthy eating
lifestye
is a major reason of this issue. Due to the reason that
plenty
of
chilren
are engaged
with past
food
, which is full of obesity factors.
Fast
food
takes less time and effort to
make
,
therefore
always do
children
prefer
fast
food
.
Secondly
,
athelic
ability of
children
has been reducing, since means of sophisticated technology developed. As an illustration, nowadays a plethora of
children
play virtual games
rather
than real ones.
Because
games played via technological devices, are
significantly
engaging and interactive that lure attention of
chilsren
easily
. This problem can
be addressed
by altering eating habits to robust lifestyle, such as vegetables, fruits and home-made meals. As a consequence, nutrients and vitamins can give a hand,
so as to
get
rid of obesity. By the same token, the solution is for the parents to limit consumption of mobile devices for their
childen
.
Children
ought to utilize them during no more than 2 hours per day.
Additionally
, daily physical activities are,
also
crucial in order to
keep
fit. At the final analysis, I ponder that consuming too much
fast
food
and electronic
devices
cen
be tackled
by altering eating system and limiting usage of technologies.
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IELTS essay In many counties people are concerned about the numbber of children who are overweight. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
231 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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