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In countries where there is a high rate of unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who have no hope of finding a job.

In countries where there is a high rate of unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who have no hope of finding a job. dGqK
It is correct that in countries that encountered with high unemployment rates, most pupils should be educated to make progress and so it is offered only primary education rather than secondary. While I agree with this situation, I think that this is not very reasonable choice, and I do not agree on this. Firstly, we cannot predict ontrend of workforce, it is desperately difficult. After fixed time one demand for workers replaces another in many systems depends on a country's economy. Prices are expensive, and it is important to be sophisticated changes on education system of students and to provide the needs of employers. For example, when technology is indicating to place instead agriculture, vehicleand hard industry, it is coming upon new job places in other sectors. Although we cannot account for workforce how many young people to be educated very well, it is very essential. Secondly, I confirm that there are a chance to make progress the knowledge of younger rather than further education. We should give priority the consolidated education to ensure the demands of life. Secondary school can enable young people to help on developing their way of life. If populations of a country are given feedback and concentrated to these problems relating to welfare or wealth can be considered, a country can be capable of solving these problems. In conclusion, although in today's mads economy, any country's employment ability is depend on changes, but real purposes of education show that young people should get secondary qualification at least. By Nuriddinova Farangiz
It is correct that in countries that encountered with high unemployment rates, most pupils should
be educated
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
progress and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
is offered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
rather
than secondary. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this situation, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
reasonable choice, and I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
on this.

Firstly
, we cannot predict
Possible spelling mistake found.
ontrend
of workforce, it is
desperately
difficult. After
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
time one demand for workers replaces another in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
systems depends on a country's economy. Prices are expensive, and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
be sophisticated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system of students and to provide the needs of employers.
For example
, when technology is indicating to place
instead
agriculture,
Possible spelling mistake found.
vehicleand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
industry, it is coming upon new job places in other sectors. Although we cannot account for workforce how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
be educated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential.

Secondly
, I confirm that there are a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
progress the knowledge of younger
rather
than
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. We should give priority the consolidated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to ensure the demands of life. Secondary school can enable young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
on developing their way of life. If populations of a country are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
feedback and concentrated to these problems relating to welfare or wealth can
be considered
, a country can be capable of solving these problems.

In conclusion
, although in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's mads economy, any country's employment ability is
Consider using a past participle here: "depended".
depend
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
real purposes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
secondary qualification at least.

By
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nuriddinova
Possible spelling mistake found.
Farangiz

IELTS essay In countries where there is a high rate of unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who have no hope of finding a job.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
254 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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