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In countries like Japan, the population is getting older, are the effects of aging population on society is negative or positive. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In countries like Japan, the population is getting older, are the effects of aging population on society is negative or positive. m15a8
The advancement in the medical, education and food sectors have surely allowed people to enjoy their lives for maximum years. Presently, it has been controversial that whether having older population has useful contribution in development of society or not. Here, this essay will account for both positive and negative sides with my perception. There are multifarious benefits of this phenomenon. First and foremost, the presence of aging population plays a phenomenal role to evolve moral skills, cultural values and supreme etiquettes among adolescents. As a result, a country produces noble you. . .
The advancement in the medical, education and food sectors have
surely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to enjoy their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
for maximum years.
Presently
, it has been controversial that whether having older population has useful contribution in development of society or not. Here, this essay will account for both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides with my perception.

There are multifarious benefits of this phenomenon.
First
and foremost, the presence of aging population plays a phenomenal role to evolve moral
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, cultural values and supreme
Possible spelling mistake found.
etiquettes
among adolescents.
As a result
, a country produces noble you.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.

IELTS essay In countries like Japan, the population is getting older, are the effects of aging population on society is negative or positive.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
93 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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