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In concurrent world rasing children tough

In concurrent world rasing children tough YwQ0r
In the concurrent world, raising children is one of the most rewarding and difficult task in any community. Many people believe that it is necessary to enrolled particular program to become eligible parents. While I agree that parental courses Or beneficial, I believe that these courses should not be mandatory. To begin with, the primary reason why I believe parental courses is important because educated and knowledgeable parents are important for the growth and development of children. Hence they become well mannered and good citizen of the nation. Moreover, prepare rental courses provide necessary information and enhance the knowledge of future parents so that they can work on their weaknesses. Further more, parents will not only get to know healthy and hygienic habits but also nutritious food. For instance, if children get sick, catch cough or cold Parents will know how to deal with childhood ailments. In this way knowledge and skillsFrom such courses will be advantages for raising children. On the other hand, there are two important reasons why do not support the idea of mandatory prepare rental courses. Firstly, there are many working parents who will not be able to attend such classes due to busy schedule. Also, they can hire qualified babysitter to take care of their children. Secondly, Many parents will not opt for this course is because of financial problem. Hence they tend to get information in a common way with the help of internet. For example, there are countless of videos and information available on YouTube where they can learn such skills and get knowledge by spending very less. Thus, to conclude the discussion it can be said that although parenting courses have numerous benefit, they should not be obligatory
In the concurrent world, raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is one of the most rewarding and difficult task in any community.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it is necessary to enrolled particular program to become eligible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that parental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
Or beneficial, I believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
should not be mandatory.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the primary reason why I believe parental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
educated and knowledgeable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the growth and development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
they become
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well mannered
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizen of the nation.
Moreover
, prepare rental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
provide necessary information and enhance the knowledge of future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can work on their weaknesses.
Further
more,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know healthy and hygienic habits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
nutritious food.
For instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick, catch cough or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
will know how to deal with childhood ailments. In this way knowledge and
Possible spelling mistake found.
skillsFrom
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
will be advantages for raising children.

On the other hand
, there are two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons why do not support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of mandatory prepare rental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
.
Firstly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who will not be able to attend such classes due to busy schedule.
Also
, they can hire qualified babysitter to take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will not opt for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of financial problem.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information
Consider replacing "in a common way" with the adverb for "common"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a common way
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of internet.
For example
, there are
Do not use "of" after "countless". Did you mean "countless videos"?
countless of videos
and information available on YouTube where they can learn such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge by spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less.

Thus
,
to conclude
the discussion it can
be said
that although parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
have numerous benefit, they should not be obligatory
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IELTS essay In concurrent world rasing children tough

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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