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In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? yM9M
It is common in England, for older people to live with other elderly in an old-age home where attendants are available to take care of them, and the government pays for the facility in some occasions. In my opinion, these facilities should always be paid by the government because of two reasons. The older men and women should get rewarded for contributing towards the community and all families are not able to afford the care required for an elderly. First of all, the older people should get rewarded for their all hard work and time they already contributed towards the betterment of the society. An average employee works almost 45 years until he is retired and pay a huge amount in taxes through his whole life. It is responsibility of the government to take care of older people when they cannot have energy to take care of themselves. Majority of population in the United Kingdom is elderly and it is extremely vital to sustain a healthy sense of community to maintain such facilities for older people at governmental levels. As a person grows older, he is more dependant on others and not all families can afford qualified professional nurses and it results in poor care of such elderly people. It is family responsibility to take care of their old people, however anyone can manage to take care the needs of an elderly and sometimes it needs the availability of a professional caretaker. For instance, if an elderly requires to administer regular medicines then a state sponsored nurse should attend them. To summarize, the government has essential role to take care of older people and maintain such facilities where they can spend their lives in peace and with best care possible to reward for their contributions and not only depend on their families if they cannot afford the care.
It is common in England, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
in an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-age home where attendants are available to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
pays for the facility in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
occasions. In my opinion, these facilities should always
be paid
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two reasons. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rewarded for contributing towards the community and all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are not able to afford the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
required for an elderly.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rewarded for their all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and time they already contributed towards the betterment of the society. An average employee works almost 45 years until he
is retired
and pay a huge amount in taxes through his whole life. It is responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when they cannot have energy to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of themselves. Majority of population in the United Kingdom is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
and it is
extremely
vital to sustain a healthy sense of community to maintain such facilities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at governmental levels.

As a person grows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
, he is more
Did you mean "dependent" on?
dependant
on others and not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
can afford qualified professional nurses and it results in poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
responsibility to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
however
anyone can manage to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
the needs of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it needs the availability of a professional caretaker.
For instance
, if an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
requires
Did you mean "administering"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to administer
regular medicines then a state sponsored nurse should attend them.

To summarize
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has essential role to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and maintain such facilities where they can spend their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in peace and
A determiner is probably missing here: "with the best".
with best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
possible to reward for their contributions and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
depend on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
if they cannot afford the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
.
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IELTS essay In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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