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Some people are of the opinion that children should be rewarded for good behaviour. Others think they should be punished for bad behaviour. Discuss both views and give your personal opinion and reasons.

Some people are of the opinion that children should be rewarded for good behaviour. Others think they should be punished for bad behaviour. km2W
Different views exist on how to correctly control the behaviour of children in order to form them into well developed adults. While a number of people think that good behaviour ought to be properly rewarded, others also believe they should also be chastised for bad behaviour. In order to evaluate this properly this essay will primarily focus on why some think good behaviour should be rewarded, besides also showing why a number of people think bad behaviour should be punished and finishing with why I believe that both may be useful when used in moderation. While some may think otherwise, a number of people believe rewarding children for good behaviour is a essential tool, because rewarding good behaviour will lead to more positive behaviour from the child in the future, thus leading to a well behaved child. For instance, if a good grade from the child, is rewarded by an ice-cream, it will be incentivized in the future to obtain better grades. So as to motivate the child to do its best, rewarding good behaviour is viewed as paramount among certain people. However there are those that also believe punishing bad behaviour is a adequate reaction, this is seem by a number of people as a way to halt future mistakes. As an example the confiscation of a child’s video games after a bad report card, therefore showing the child that if they do not improve future punishments will come. In other words this is a similar view as the previous one, whereas punishing the mistakes in the present will hopefully affect the child’s behaviour in the future. Finally, it seems to me that both are good when used in moderation, parents or guardians should be careful not to go to extremes so as to not cause anguish to the child. To exemplify my point, in the case of too much pressure introduced by rewards or punishments this can lead to additional stress to the child. Causing it to be afraid of reactions of parents therefore not helping its development at all. In conclusion, both techniques can undoubtedly work when used properly, parents must however be cautious no to put their child’s health or mental state at risk, owing to the need to act softly.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
views exist on how to
correctly
control the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of children in order to form them into
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well developed
adults. While a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
ought to be
properly
rewarded, others
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
they should
also
be chastised
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. In order to evaluate this
properly
this essay will
primarily
focus on why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
should
be rewarded
,
besides
also
showing why a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
should
be punished
and finishing with why I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that both may be useful when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in moderation.

While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
otherwise
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
rewarding children for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
essential tool,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
rewarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
will lead to more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
,
thus
leading to a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well behaved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
For instance
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
grade from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
,
is rewarded
by an ice-cream, it will
be incentivized
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
to obtain better grades.
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
So as to
motivate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to do its best, rewarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is viewed
as paramount among certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
there are those that
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
punishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
adequate reaction, this is
Consider using a past participle here: "seemed".
seem
by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as a way to halt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
mistakes. As an example the confiscation of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
video games after a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
report card,
therefore
showing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
that if they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
punishments will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.
In other words
this is a similar view as the previous one, whereas punishing the mistakes in the present will
hopefully
affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in the future.

Finally
, it seems to me that both are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in moderation, parents or guardians should be careful not to go to extremes
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
not cause anguish to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. To exemplify my point, in the case of too much pressure introduced by rewards or punishments this can lead to additional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. Causing it to be afraid of reactions of parents
therefore
not helping its development at all.

In conclusion
, both techniques can
undoubtedly
work when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
properly
, parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
however
be cautious no to put their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
health or mental state at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
, owing to the need to act
softly
.
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IELTS essay Some people are of the opinion that children should be rewarded for good behaviour. Others think they should be punished for bad behaviour.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
375 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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