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In Britain when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or family?

In Britain when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or family? oOE9
In recent years, an increasing number of elderly people from all over the world – UK, in particular- are choosing to live in retirement homes for the rest of their lives. From the viewpoint of a number of people, the government should be held responsible for covering all the associated costs of living in such places, whereas others opine that families ought to pay for their expenditures. However, it is my firm belief that the governments should hold the complete responsibility of paying all the costs. Analyzing the contribution of seniors to the economy through paying taxes together with their contribution towards pension programs are corroborative evidence for such a stance, in their entirety. Firstly, certain individuals might be too aged to pay for the other members of the household. Several countries nowadays, have a graying society, due to better standards of living as well as advancement in medical technology, such as several vaccinations, surgeries and availability of treatments. To cite an example, one-third of Japan's population will be above 65 in the coming years. This means that a 70 year old man might have to provide for his parents who are in their 90's, which is impossible as well as impractical, as the former himself might be surviving solely on his savings. Therefore, the authorities should bear the expenditure with the taxpayer money. Secondly, due to financial constraints, every family unit might not have enough to to support the seniors. To illustrate this, in this competitive world, it is becoming harder for people to earn and fulfill the basic demands. In such a situation, if they have to care for the aged members too, it might worsen their condition. Besides that, the now old population were active a few years ago, and contributed to the economy by paying taxes as well as contributing towards pension plans. For example, every employee in the USA, pays a part of their earnings towards Registered Retirement Savings Plan. Hence, it is only fair that the nation expanses, for their needs. To conclude, I firmly believe, that the country should sponsor the needs of the graying population, as several citizens might be very aged as well as restricted by their budget, to support them. For this reason, the state should establish funds for the care of the elderly along with pension benefits.
In recent years, an increasing number of elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from all over the world
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
UK,
in particular
- are choosing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in retirement homes for the rest of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. From the viewpoint of a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
be held
responsible for covering all the associated costs of living in such places, whereas others opine that families ought to pay for their expenditures.
However
, it is my firm belief that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should hold the complete responsibility of paying all the costs. Analyzing the contribution of seniors to the economy through paying taxes together with their contribution towards pension programs are corroborative evidence for such a stance, in their entirety.

Firstly
, certain individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be too aged to pay for the other members of the household. Several countries nowadays, have a graying society, due to better standards of living as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as advancement in medical technology, such as several vaccinations, surgeries and availability of treatments. To cite an example, one-third of Japan's population will be above 65 in the coming years. This means that a 70
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
provide for his parents who are in their
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "90s".
90's
, which is impossible as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as impractical, as the former himself
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be surviving
solely
on his savings.
Therefore
, the authorities should bear the expenditure with the taxpayer money.

Secondly
, due to financial constraints, every family unit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
Possible typo: you repeated a word
to to
support the seniors. To illustrate this, in this competitive world, it is becoming harder for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to earn and fulfill the basic demands. In such a situation, if they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
care for the aged members too, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
worsen their condition.
Besides
that, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
population were active a few years ago, and contributed to the economy by paying taxes as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as contributing towards pension plans.
For example
, every employee in the USA, pays a part of their earnings towards Registered Retirement Savings Plan.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
that the nation expanses, for their needs.

To conclude
, I
firmly
believe, that the country should sponsor the needs of the graying population, as several citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
aged as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as restricted by their budget, to support them.
For this reason
, the state should establish funds for the care of the elderly along with pension benefits.
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IELTS essay In Britain when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or family?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
388 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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