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Everyone wishes to live in a perfect society, what are the values to follow in your opinion?

Everyone wishes to live in a perfect society, what are the values to follow in your opinion? pOLL
Most people in the world wishes to live in an ideal society, but the way everyone perceives a perfect system to make an ideal society varies from one to another. In my personal opinion there are several parameters of perfection that people should actively follow to live an happy and meaningful life, feeling citizens of their community. Thomas More was the first to introduce the concept of the utopic dream of an ideal society: despite the wrong values that he followed in his life, the general idea of finding a perfect society is the same of this time and age. In a utopic society, the first point that has to be made is peace. In fact nowadays conflicts and wars are the push factors of political and economic instability, of hundreds of deaths and in general of low standards of living. Speaking of goals that would be necessary to achieve in order to live in a perfect system, the first two that come in my mind are: inclusion and equality. Being treated differently because of gender, ethnicity, religion and skin colour still happens and it is bad to the point that there are still protests for important matters such as: abortion, black lives matter and else. In a perfect society based on reciprocal respect for other despite of each other’s differences, there wouldn’t be these problems that affect us even in the 21st century. To conclude with, an ideal society is based on different factors. In my opinion, it would be impossible to achieve this goals because there will always be people with different point of view.
Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the world wishes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the way everyone perceives a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
system to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
varies from one to another. In my personal opinion there are several parameters of perfection that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
actively
follow to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
happy and meaningful life, feeling citizens of their community.

Thomas More was the
first
to introduce the concept of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
utopic
dream of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
: despite the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
values that he followed in his life, the general
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is the same of this time and age.

In a
Possible spelling mistake found.
utopic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, the
first
point that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be made
is peace. In fact nowadays conflicts and wars are the push factors of political and economic instability, of hundreds of deaths and
in general
of low standards of living.

Speaking of goals that would be necessary to achieve in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
system, the
first
two that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in my mind are: inclusion and equality.

Being treated
differently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of gender, ethnicity, religion and skin
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
still
happens and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
to the point that there are
still
protests for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
matters such as: abortion, black
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
matter and else.

In a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
based on reciprocal respect for other
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
each other’s differences, there wouldn’t be these problems that affect us even in the 21st century.

To conclude
with, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is based
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
factors. In my opinion, it would be impossible to achieve
Did you mean "these"?
this
goals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there will always be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
point of view.
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IELTS essay Everyone wishes to live in a perfect society, what are the values to follow in your opinion?

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
267 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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