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In achieving personal happiness, our relationships with other people (fam- ily, friends, colleagues) are more important than anything else. Issues such as work and wealth take second place. Argue in support of this claim.

In achieving personal happiness, our relationships with other people (fam- ily, friends, colleagues) are more important than anything else. Issues such as work and wealth take second place. Argue in support of this claim. A2y1
The increasing pressures of today’s money driven world can often cause people to gravitate toward material items. But personal happiness can never be achieved through such things as work, success and wealth. Although these things may be nice ‘extras’, it is argued that healthy relationships with family, friends and col- leagues are the true secrets to personal happiness. This will be shown be analyzing the often lonely lives of many wealthy celebrities as well as the advice of older people who speak from experience. Firstly, the lives of wealthy celebrities often illustrate that money cannot buy happiness. For example, despite being fabulously wealthy, Robbie Williams and Kirsten Dunst suffered from clinical depression they attributed to loneliness. As their experiences show, the link between money and true happiness appears to not be as strong as the link between loneliness and unhappiness. Thus, relationships between people are more important than money. The advice from many older people regularly reiterates this. For example, all four of my grandparents claim family and friends to be the things that brought them the greatest happiness in their lives. As these sorts of sentiments are common among the elderly of all countries and cultures, it is clear that as people age things of true importance are clarified. Thus, human relationships are much more likely to be pre- cursors to personal happiness than money or careers. As seen above, wealth cannot buy true happiness and this is a realization that all too often comes in old age. It is true, family, friends and colleagues and the relationships formed with them are the genuine catalysts to lasting happiness. Thus, the old adage holds true: the more love a person gives, the more they get.
The increasing pressures of
today
’s
money
driven world can
often
cause
people
to

gravitate
toward material items.
But
personal
happiness
can never be
achieved


through
such things as work, success and wealth. Although these things may
be


nice
‘extras’, it
is argued
that healthy
relationships
with family, friends and col-

leagues are the
true
secrets to personal
happiness
. This will
be shown
be analyzing the
often
lonely
lives
of
many
wealthy celebrities
as well
as the advice of
older


people
who speak from experience.

Firstly
, the
lives
of wealthy celebrities
often
illustrate that
money
cannot
buy
happiness
.
For example
, despite being
fabulously
wealthy, Robbie Williams and Kirsten
Dunst
suffered from clinical depression they attributed to loneliness. As their experiences
show
, the link between
money
and
true
happiness
appears to not be as strong as the link between loneliness and unhappiness.
Thus
,
relationships
between

people
are more
important
than money.

The advice from
many
older
people
regularly
reiterates this.
For example
, all four
of


my grandparents claim family and friends to be the things that brought them the

greatest
happiness
in their
lives
.
As
these sorts of sentiments are common
among


the elderly of all countries and cultures, it is
clear
that as
people
age things of true

importance
are clarified
.
Thus
, human
relationships
are much more likely to be
pre
-

cursors to personal
happiness
than
money
or careers.

As
seen
above, wealth cannot
buy
true
happiness
and this is a realization that all

too
often
comes
in
old
age. It is
true
, family, friends and colleagues and the
relationships
formed with them are the genuine catalysts to lasting
happiness
.
Thus
, the
old
adage holds
true
: the more
love
a person gives, the more they
get
.
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IELTS essay In achieving personal happiness, our relationships with other people (fam- ily, friends, colleagues) are more important than anything else. Issues such as work and wealth take second place. Argue in support of this claim.

Essay
  American English
14 paragraphs
285 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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