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In achieving personal happiness, our relationships with other people are more important than anything else. Issues such as work and wealth take second place. Argue in support of this claim.

In achieving personal happiness, our relationships with other people are more important than anything else. Issues such as work and wealth take second place. Argue in support of this claim. yA3M
The increasing pressures of a money-driven world can often cause people to gravitate toward material items; however, individuals cannot attain personal happiness through work, success and wealth. Although these things may be extras, many people believe that healthy relationships are the secrets to personal happiness. This essay will argue that relationships create happiness in peoples' lives, as such analyzing the lonely lives of celebrities and the experience of the elderly living alone. Firstly, the lives of wealthy celebrities often illustrate that money cannot buy happiness. For example, despite being fabulously wealthy, Robbie Williams and Kirsten Dunst suffered from clinical depression. As their experiences show, the link between money and true happiness appears not to be as strong as the link between loneliness and unhappiness. Hence, relationships between people are more important than money. Secondly, the advice from many older people regularly reiterates this. For instance, all four of my grandparents claim family and friends to be the things that brought them the greatest happiness in their lives. These sentiments are more among the elderly, and they realize this further as they become old in different cultures and countries. Thus, human relationships are much more likely to be precursors to personal happiness than money or careers. In conclusion, as seen above, wealth cannot buy true happiness, and this is a realization that often comes in old age. The relationships formed with family, friends and colleagues are the catalysts to lasting happiness. Therefore, the adage holds real: the more love a person gives, the more they get.
The increasing pressures of a money-driven world can
often
cause
people
to gravitate toward material items;
however
, individuals cannot attain personal
happiness
through work, success and wealth. Although these things may be extras,
many
people
believe that healthy
relationships
are the secrets to personal
happiness
. This essay will argue that
relationships
create
happiness
in peoples'
lives
, as such analyzing the lonely
lives
of celebrities and the experience of the elderly living alone.

Firstly
, the
lives
of wealthy celebrities
often
illustrate that money cannot
buy
happiness
.
For example
, despite being
fabulously
wealthy, Robbie Williams and Kirsten
Dunst
suffered from clinical depression. As their experiences
show
, the link between money and true
happiness
appears not to be as strong as the link between loneliness and unhappiness.
Hence
,
relationships
between
people
are more
important
than money.

Secondly
, the advice from
many
older
people
regularly
reiterates this.
For instance
, all four of my grandparents claim family and friends to be the things that brought them the greatest
happiness
in their
lives
. These sentiments are more among the elderly, and they realize this
further
as they become
old
in
different
cultures and countries.
Thus
, human
relationships
are much more likely to be precursors to personal
happiness
than money or careers.

In conclusion
, as
seen
above, wealth cannot
buy
true
happiness
, and this is a realization that
often
comes
in
old
age. The
relationships
formed with family, friends and colleagues are the catalysts to lasting
happiness
.
Therefore
, the adage holds real: the more
love
a person gives, the more they
get
.
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IELTS essay In achieving personal happiness, our relationships with other people are more important than anything else. Issues such as work and wealth take second place. Argue in support of this claim.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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