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In a family the oldest child should be a perfect role model for their siblings. To what extent do you agree?

In a family the oldest child should be a perfect role model for their siblings. aJKVm
Some people believe that the firstborn of the family should become the ideal example for other children to learn from. Personally, I agree with this statement to a great extent. On the one hand, I agree that the firstborn being a good role model is definitely needed in the family. Firstly, the oldest child's daily actions will have a huge impact on the younger one in the house. These little one often do not know much about the world around them, which result in a habit of copying what adults – especially the older siblings - do. Thus, being a flawless individual in the family will guarantee that younger children will stay away from all the bad behaviours and have a better future. Moreover, being a faultless example can give other children motivation to improve themselves, helping reduce the worry of their parents. Therefore, It is not hard to see why most people give so much importance to the the oldest child's role. However, parents should not place too much pressure on their firstborn being an excellent model for younger children. Firstly, placing tremendous expectation of the oldest ones can lead to depression and anxiety. No one can be perfect all the time in their life, sometimes parents' imposition can make these oldest children emotionally and physically worn out. According to an experiment conducted in 2019 by the Dan Tri Newspaper, 90% of the children who are the firstborns of the family claimed that the strict management of their parents makes them exhausted and have mental illnesses. Secondly, the future of younger children in a family do not completely rely on their older siblings' actions. Children tend to learn from their siblings or parents when they are young. But when they grow up, under the influence of new environments such as school or work, they will have new habits, leading to new actions. In conclusion, while the firstborns certainly affect their younger siblings, I believe that they is by no means the key factor for those children's future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firstborn
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
should become the ideal example for other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn from.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement to a great extent.

On the one hand, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firstborn
being a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
role model is definitely needed in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Firstly
, the oldest child's daily actions will have a huge impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
one in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. These
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
do not know much about the world around them, which result in a habit of copying what adults
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
especially
the older siblings
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
do.
Thus
, being a flawless individual in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
will guarantee that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will stay away from all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
and have a better future.
Moreover
, being a faultless example can give other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
motivation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves, helping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the worry of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Therefore
, It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
why most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much importance to
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
oldest child's role.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should not place too much pressure on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firstborn
being an excellent model for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
, placing tremendous expectation of the oldest ones can lead to depression and anxiety. No one can be perfect all the time in their life,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
parents' imposition can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
these oldest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
emotionally
and
physically
worn out. According to an experiment conducted in 2019 by the Dan
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tri
Newspaper, 90% of

the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firstborns
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
claimed that the strict management of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them exhausted and have mental illnesses.
Secondly
, the future of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
do not completely rely on their older siblings' actions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
tend to learn from their siblings or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
when they are young.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when they grow up, under the influence of new environments such as school or work, they will have new habits, leading to new actions.

In conclusion
, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firstborns
certainly
affect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
siblings, I believe that they
Use third-person plural verb with 'they': "are", "were".
is
by no means the key factor for those children's future.
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IELTS essay In a family the oldest child should be a perfect role model for their siblings.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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