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In a family, the oldest child should be a perfect role model for their siblings. To what extent do you agree with this statement.

In a family, the oldest child should be a perfect role model for their siblings. 9Y05X
It is believed that in domestic household, the firstborn need to play an important role in being perfect moral than their little siblings. From my perspective, I whole heartedly agree with this statement with a variety of reasons. On the one hand, regarding the individuals, the oldest kids need to have a better attitude and ethnic than the one who are younger. First of all, the positive habits and actions contributed perfectly by the firstborn, which will have a huge impact on their siblings. Due to the fact that the oldest teenager in a house has to be a idealistic person by performing some activities such as showing respect with seniors and having a healthy lifestyles for their siblings to imitate. Moreover, being faultless improves the younger more inspiration and motivation and it helps reducing the concern of their parent about their children, they will feel free to work without worrying. On the other hand, parents should not burden the household workload with the first child and pressure them to be the excellent model. Firstly, they will feel extremely stressful and depress because they are always an impeccable person on the eyes of their siblings. For instance, when taking the entrance test for getting into higher school, they have to overcome and obtain the outstanding scores in order that their parent feel satisfied and proud of them, otherwise, it is such an depression that the first born puts up with. Secondly, when the younger children grow up, they are not completely influenced on their older brother or sister due to the innovation of their working or studying environment, which alter them to be unique and not really reliant on their seniors. In conclusion, the children who are firstborn is one of the most idealistic model for the younger to follow.
It
is believed
that in domestic household, the firstborn need to play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in being perfect
Use "moraller" to make a comparison with this adjective.
moral
than their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
siblings
. From my perspective, I whole
heartedly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement with a variety of reasons.

On the one hand, regarding the individuals, the oldest kids need to have a better attitude and ethnic than the one who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
habits and actions contributed
perfectly
by the firstborn, which will have a huge impact on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
siblings
. Due to the fact that the oldest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
idealistic person by performing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities such as showing respect with seniors and having a healthy
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "lifestyle"?
lifestyles
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
siblings
to imitate.
Moreover
, being faultless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
more inspiration and motivation and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
The verb 'helps' is used with an infinitive: "to reduce" or "reduce".
reducing
the concern of their parent about their children, they will feel free to work without worrying.

On the other hand
, parents should not burden the household workload with the
first
child and pressure them to be the excellent model.
Firstly
, they will feel
extremely
stressful and depress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are always an impeccable person on the eyes of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
siblings
.
For instance
, when taking the entrance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
for getting into higher school, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
overcome and obtain the outstanding scores in order that their parent feel satisfied and proud of them,
otherwise
, it is such
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
depression that the
This word is normally spelled as one.
first born
puts up with.
Secondly
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
children grow up, they are not completely influenced on their older brother or sister due to the innovation of their working or studying environment, which alter them to be unique and not
really
reliant on their seniors.

In conclusion
, the children who are firstborn is one of the most idealistic model for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
to follow.
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IELTS essay In a family, the oldest child should be a perfect role model for their siblings.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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