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improving public health is mainly related to our hospitals and secondly related to the number to number of sports sport facilities

improving public health is mainly related to our hospitals and secondly related to the number to number of sports sport facilities 5k8GB
In my opinion, improving public health is mainly related to our hospitals and secondly related to the number to number of sports sport facilities. There are many illnesses which can not be cured by going to the gym to gym, so our doctors would be the key to our health. Firstly, let's consider the hospitals. They Hospitals are very important for us as they offer as offer extensive treatment to all. Moreover, they are equipped with medical equipment which helps in the diagnosis and treatment of many types of diseases. Our government should invest more money in these, because better machines like RMN, TMC mean more chances for a patient to live. For instance, in the absence of hospitals, we would have to go to different places to look for specialist doctors in their respective clinics. This would have just increased the hassle and wasted waste energy and time. Secondly, in small cities, there is a lack of places for sports activities, like a gyms, tennis courts court. Additionally, they are certain that rising sports fields encourage people to start to do sports. Moreover, many homeowners do not have free space for physical activities in their houses. Outdoor sports Sports areas outdoors allow them to improve health by sport. But practicing a sport is not enough, unless you see check a doctor to find out more about your health. In conclusion, both sport activities and hospitals go goes hand in hand when we are talking about public health. Taking up a sport can assure you a healthy lifestyle style, while seeing a doctor will assure you if you are completely healthy.
In my opinion, improving public health is
mainly
related to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
and
secondly
related to the number to number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
illnesses which can not
be cured
by going to the gym to gym,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
would be the key to our health.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
's consider the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hospitals
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for us as they offer as offer extensive treatment to all.
Moreover
, they
are equipped
with medical equipment which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in the diagnosis and treatment of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
types of diseases. Our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should invest more money in these,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
better machines like RMN, TMC mean more chances for a patient to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
For instance
, in the absence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
, we would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places to look for specialist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
in their respective clinics. This would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
increased the hassle and wasted waste energy and time.

Secondly
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
cities, there is a lack of places for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities, like
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a gym" or simply "gyms"?
a gyms
, tennis courts court.
Additionally
, they are certain that rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
fields encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
homeowners do not have free space for physical activities in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
. Outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
areas outdoors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
health by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
practicing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, unless you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
to find out more about your health.

In conclusion
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
activities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
go goes hand in hand when we are talking about public health. Taking up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
can assure you a healthy lifestyle style, while seeing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
will assure you if you are completely healthy.
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IELTS essay improving public health is mainly related to our hospitals and secondly related to the number to number of sports sport facilities

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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