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Vietnam has been facing brain drain in some recent decades. What are the reasons that many overseas Vietnamese students do not want to return to work in Vietnam? Support your position with reasons and examples taken from your reading, experience, or observations.

Vietnam has been facing brain drain in some recent decades. What are the reasons that many overseas Vietnamese students do not want to return to work in Vietnam? Support your position with reasons and examples taken from your reading, experience, or observations. a795m
What is the brain drain? Brain drain is the loss of the country when educated and professional workers emigrate to other countries to pursue a high salary, working conditions, lifestyle, and so on. This happens in Vietnam, many overseas students don’t want to return to work in Vietnam, and today I will illustrate some reasons that lead to brain drain. First of all, they can benefit from working conditions and better pay. Just think about earning in dollars or euros which probably attracts people to work abroad. In addition, in some countries, they have policies such as full scholarship, reduced tuition, amazing benefits to attract employees. Moreover, they can expand their professional network, broaden their knowledge by working in an international environment. Well, a Vietnamese freelancer can earn on average around 300 dollars per month but an American freelancer can earn twice or three times that. Secondly, the lack of economic and material deprivation leads talented people can’t do their best. While in developed countries, they have all of these that attract people permanently to settle there. That is a disadvantage that makes them don't want to work in Vietnam. For example: in Vietnam, we have a lot of amazing scriptwriters who have good plots but we don't have enough money to create a film like that. All in all, because other countries have better working conditions and strong economies, many overseas students don't want to return to work in Vietnam. In my opinion, the government and companies should pay the salary which they deserve. Besides good pay, perks, we should provide amenities such as housing, schooling for children, .
What is the brain drain? Brain drain is the loss of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
when educated and professional workers emigrate to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to pursue a high salary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
conditions, lifestyle, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. This happens in Vietnam,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
overseas students don’t want to return to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in Vietnam, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
I will illustrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons that lead to brain drain.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they can benefit from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
conditions and better pay.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about earning in dollars or euros which
probably
attracts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
abroad.
In addition
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, they have policies such as full scholarship,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
tuition, amazing benefits to attract employees.
Moreover
, they can expand their professional network, broaden their knowledge by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in an international environment. Well, a Vietnamese freelancer can earn on average around 300 dollars per month
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
an American freelancer can earn twice or three times that.

Secondly
, the lack of economic and material deprivation leads talented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can’t do their best. While in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, they have all of these that attract
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
permanently
to settle there.
That is
a disadvantage that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them don't want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in Vietnam.
For example
: in Vietnam, we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
amazing scriptwriters who have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
plots
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we don't have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to create a film like that.

All in all,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
conditions and strong economies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
overseas students don't want to return to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in Vietnam. In my opinion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should pay the salary which they deserve.
Besides
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
pay, perks, we should provide amenities such as housing, schooling for children,
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
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IELTS essay Vietnam has been facing brain drain in some recent decades. What are the reasons that many overseas Vietnamese students do not want to return to work in Vietnam? Support your position with reasons and examples taken from your reading, experience, or observations.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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