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ielts writing sample for future admission exam

ielts writing sample for future admission exam 2RwEM
I saw your advertisement in the magazine, and I’d like to recommend myself to undertake this job. As it’s in Australia where I’ve been longing to visit, and it’s pertinent to the child-caring field I’m familiar with, I believe what I would offer to this job is as much as what the job would offer me. As a mom of a 5 year old daughter, I’m well experienced in taking care of children, and I believe patience and accompany are more precious than any tangible materials under all circumstances. In addition, I have a degree in psychology, which helps digging out children's mental requirements through their actions, and correspondingly meet their needs. For hobbies, hiking has been my optimal option in my spare time, and I believe the nature in Australia would be such a beautiful picture I'd like to dive in. I would really appreciate it if I could be taken into consideration. 2. In modern society, the popularization of Internet has facilitated our lifestyles in different aspects, which I believe online shopping benefits most from. With the increasing number of online shopping users, the concern arises: will online shopping eventually be a complete substitute to offline shopping? For three factors taken into consideration, my answer is negative. First, the immediacy of offline purchase is an irreplaceable advantage. There have been different endeavors by online shopping enterprises to reduce the time duration from ordering to delivery, but when I'm hungry, I can only wish to find a fresh made bread in a nearby bakery, with sweet scent wafting in the air, not a well filtered picture of one on my screen. As for the emergencies, such as diarrhea or headache, we would always expect to see an open pharmacy. Second, the service a shop provides can never be replaced. Indeed, laying on the couch and selecting Christmas sweaters on the phone is relaxing, but the size or the actual colors can be disappointing when we receive them after days of waiting. Instead, in the shop not only can we try out whichever sweater we want, but also enjoy the downy lights, big mirrors, and amiable smiles from the staff. A clothing shop doesn't only sell clothes, but services along with, which an online shop lacks of. In addition, in a shop, we are able to buy what we see and what we feel, rather than what we imagine. I'm grateful for what technology has brought to us, but as a traditional and long-lasting way of purchase, I believe offline shops will remain welcome for the customers.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
your advertisement in the magazine, and I’d like to recommend myself to undertake this job. As it’s in Australia where I’ve been longing to visit, and it’s pertinent to the child-caring field I’m familiar with, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
what I would offer to this job is as much as what the job would offer me.

As a mom of a 5 year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
daughter, I’m well experienced in taking care of children, and I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
patience and accompany are more precious than any tangible materials under all circumstances.
In addition
, I have a degree in psychology, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
The verb 'helps' is used with an infinitive: "to dig" or "dig".
digging
out children's mental requirements through their actions, and
correspondingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their needs.

For hobbies, hiking has been my optimal option in my spare time, and I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
the nature in Australia would be such a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
picture I'd like to dive in.

I would
really
appreciate it if I could
be taken
into consideration.

2.

In modern society, the popularization of Internet has facilitated our lifestyles in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects, which I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
benefits most from. With the increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
users, the concern arises: will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
eventually
be a complete substitute to offline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
? For three factors taken into consideration, my answer is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.

First
, the immediacy of offline
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
is an irreplaceable advantage. There have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
endeavors by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
enterprises to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the time duration from ordering to delivery,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when I'm hungry, I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
wish to find a fresh made bread in a nearby bakery, with sweet scent wafting in the air, not a well filtered picture of one on my screen. As for the emergencies, such as diarrhea or headache, we would always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
an open pharmacy.

Second, the service a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
provides can never
be replaced
.
Indeed
, laying on the couch and selecting Christmas sweaters on the phone is relaxing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the size or the actual colors can be disappointing when we receive them after days of waiting.
Instead
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can we try
Did you mean "our"?
out
whichever sweater we want,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enjoy the downy lights,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
mirrors, and amiable smiles from the staff. A clothing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
doesn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
sell clothes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
services along with, which an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
lacks of.

In addition
, in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
, we are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
what we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and what we feel,
rather
than what we imagine.

I'm grateful for what technology has brought to us,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as a traditional and long-lasting way of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
offline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
will remain welcome for the customers.
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IELTS essay ielts writing sample for future admission exam

Essay
  American English
10 paragraphs
427 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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