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Identifying causes and suggesting a solution to a problem 2

Identifying causes and suggesting a solution to a problem 2 0w2pl
Without a doubt teenagers occasionally cause trouble and public disorder by behaving badly in all city and this is a much discussed topic in a globalized world as ours. Generally, the reasons are likely to be the discipline in homes and schools and the little control that parents have on their children, however the main cause of this problem is the uncertain in the future of our children, that is cause by precarious job in today's world and less strong social relationships. Furthermore less and less investments on active policy for young people, brings our teenagers to be abbandoned by the adult society. One solution to this modern problem could be the use of new investments and resource for school and families to improve the control and the attention that we give to our children, for example we could use school, not only for the education for our children, but also as a center of social activities that could link the world of adults with the world of the younger. In the end, it could be many solutions and suggestions to this important topic. In my view the adult society should not forget that the young people are the future for them and the rest of the world, so, for this reason, should not be abbandoned by themselves.
Without a doubt
teenagers
occasionally
cause trouble and public disorder by behaving
badly
in all city and this is a much discussed topic in a globalized
world
as ours.

Generally
, the reasons are likely to be the discipline in homes and schools and the
little
control that parents have on their
children
,
however
the main cause of this problem is the uncertain in the future of our
children
,
that is
cause
by precarious job in
today
's
world
and less strong social relationships.
Furthermore
less and
less
investments on active policy for young
people
, brings our
teenagers
to be
abbandoned
by the adult society.

One solution to this modern problem could be the
use
of new investments and resource for school and families to
improve
the control and the attention that we give to our
children
,
for example
we could
use
school, not
only
for the education for our
children
,
but
also
as a center of social activities that could link the
world
of adults with the
world
of the younger.

In the
end
, it could be
many
solutions and suggestions to this
important
topic. In my view the adult society should not forget that the young
people
are the future for them and the rest of the
world
,
so
,
for this reason
, should not be
abbandoned
by themselves.
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IELTS essay Identifying causes and suggesting a solution to a problem 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
218 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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