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I took no courage to take that chance to work at one of the biggest companies, trained with seniors who had considerable experience at stuff.

I took no courage to take that chance to work at one of the biggest companies, trained with seniors who had considerable experience at stuff. Ar32x
When I just graduated from University, because I got some achievements before, so I was so competitive, arrogant and ultimately didn't even think through anything. Whenever I look back, I always feel regretful because I missed so many opportunities to help me go far in my career. I got some offers at that time, one of those is from a big company, they said that I had potential, called the making of a businessman, and in case I applied for a position as an intern working at the marketing department. They would hire me immediately. I want to work in the marketing field, and I hit some books about marketing before, spent so much time learning about how it works. I'm passionate about it. However, I had just graduated from University, and after had broke in years, I had an average salary So I was concerned about if I quit and then started again. I started at rock bottom as a trainee in the marketing department. I couldn't make money for three months. I took no courage to take that chance to work at one of the biggest companies, trained with seniors who had considerable experience at stuff. I had learned that the hard way. That's the reason I try to work hard every day, recognize my weaknesses, and never stop learning new skills to prepare for any opportunity in the future.
When I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
graduated from University,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
achievements
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
competitive, arrogant

and
ultimately
didn't even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
through anything.

Whenever I look back, I always feel regretful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I missed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me go far in my career.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
offers at that time, one of those is from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, they said that I had potential, called the making of

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
a
The comma is probably incorrect: "businessman"
businessman,
and in case I applied for a position as an intern working at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
department. They would hire me immediately.

I want to work in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
field, and I hit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
books about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much time learning about how it works.

I'm passionate about it.

However
, I had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
graduated from University, and after had
Use the past participle "broken" after the modal (auxiliary) verb 'had'.
broke
in years, I had an average salary

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I
was concerned
about if I quit and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
again. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at rock bottom as a trainee in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
department. I couldn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money for three months.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
took no courage to take that chance to work at one of the biggest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, trained with seniors who had considerable experience at stuff.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
had learned that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
way. That's the reason I try to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
every day, recognize my weaknesses, and never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
learning new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to prepare for any opportunity in the future.
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IELTS essay I took no courage to take that chance to work at one of the biggest companies, trained with seniors who had considerable experience at stuff.

Essay
  American English
9 paragraphs
232 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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