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I have very limited exposure to drug use by today's youth, but with children of my own, are really concerned about this issue and the harmfull effects it can have.

I have very limited exposure to drug use by today's youth, but with children of my own, are really concerned about this issue and the harmfull effects it can have. 7LnqA
I have very limited exposure to drug use by today's youth, but with children of my own, are really concerned about this issue and the harmfull effects it can have. I will address this issue from my position as a parent, as well as my experience when I was a teenager, when I was exposed to the enviroment of illegal drug use by my friends. Firstly, no parent can fully shield their children from being exposed to drug users. It is inevitable that children will be placed in such situations. It is then logical to assume that your own children will be left to their own discretion when being in that situation. I can remember when I was placed in a similar situation as a teenager at the time. I had to choose between my relationship with my parents or submit to group pressure. I can clearly remember my choice, and why I had made it. Because of a very strong relationship with my parents, I did not want to dissappoint them. I consequently chose them above group pressure. This takes me to the next point. I do know that some adults may be using drugs, and perhaps also do so in front of their own children. It is chilling to think about it. But it happens. However, I believe it is not that widespread, and rather the exception. For this reason I do not think the average adult is setting a bad example for their children. There must then be a different cause to explain this phenomena. My reasoning around the main cause will be explored next. I think the main cause of widespread drug abuse by young people in modern day society is strongly related to the strength of their relationship with their parents and other family members. I strongly think that the relationship that parents have with their children is perhaps the key reason and possibly also the solution to fight drug abuse. Therefore, issues that affect this relationship might need to be explored. The parent-child relationship starts at a very early age, and had been made more challenging by technology and work-life balance challenges that modern day parents are experiencing. Children are often left to their own devices in front of computers, computer games, and television by their parents, so that parents can focus on their highly demanding jobs. These "digital babysitters" may cause more harm than good, and without the parents being aware of it. To restore this relationship between parent and child, the relationship between child and technology, and even parent and technology needs to be disrupted. A simple cure of this would be to switch technology off before bed time, and allow time for family time. Additionally, parents can take their children on regular holidays, even if it is to visit other family members. It can therefore be concluded that children will inevitably be faced with the choice to choose between drugs and their relationship with their parents. The stronger one will always win. Therefore your relationship with your children needs a significant time investment, so that strong parent-child bonds are developed that can withstand any group pressure that can result in children choosing to take drugs. I finally recommend that in order to solve the significant harmful effects of widespread drug use by young people, that awareness and training programmes for parents be introduced that will equip them to help build the necessary bonds with their children.
I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
limited exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's youth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, are
really
concerned about this issue and the
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harmfull
effects it can have. I will address this issue from my position as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
,
as well
as my experience when I was a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
, when I
was exposed
to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
enviroment
of illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
by my friends.

Firstly
, no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
can
fully
shield their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from
being exposed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
users. It is inevitable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
be placed
in such situations. It is then logical to assume that your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
discretion when being in that situation. I can remember when I
was placed
in a similar situation as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. I had to choose between my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or submit to group pressure.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
can
clearly
remember my choice, and why I had made it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, I did not want to
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dissappoint
them. I
consequently
chose them above group pressure.

This takes me to the
next
point. I do know that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adults may be using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
, and perhaps
also
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in front of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It is chilling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
about it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it happens.
However
, I believe it is not that widespread, and
rather
the exception.
For this reason
I do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
the average adult is setting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
example for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. There
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
then be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
Did you mean "these"?
this
phenomena. My reasoning around the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
will
be explored
next
.

I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of widespread
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
abuse by young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in modern day society is
strongly
related to the strength of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and other family members. I
strongly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is perhaps the key reason and
possibly
also
the solution to fight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
abuse.
Therefore
, issues that affect this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
might need to
be explored
.

The parent-child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early age, and had
been made
more challenging by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and work-life balance challenges that modern day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are experiencing.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
devices in front of computers, computer games, and television by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can focus on their
highly
demanding jobs. These
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
digital babysitters
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, and without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
being aware of it.

To restore this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
and child, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
between child and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, and even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
needs to
be disrupted
. A simple cure of this would be to switch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
off
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
bed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can take their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on regular holidays, even if it is to visit other family members.

It can
therefore
be concluded
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
inevitably
be faced
with the choice to choose between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. The stronger one will always win.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
with your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
needs a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
investment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that strong parent-child bonds
are developed
that can withstand any group pressure that can result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
choosing to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
. I
finally
recommend that in order to solve the significant harmful effects of widespread
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
by young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, that awareness and training
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
be introduced
that will equip them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
build the necessary bonds with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay I have very limited exposure to drug use by today's youth, but with children of my own, are really concerned about this issue and the harmfull effects it can have.

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
575 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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