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I am writing to ask if you could help me some advice about appropriate college which is situated near your home.

I am writing to ask if you could help me some advice about appropriate college which is situated near your home. eenlA
I would appreciate it if you could help me with this position. I have a family you know. But I want to rise my career. That's why I would like to go there. Three years ago I went that city and I liked your colleges' studying method. Nowdays I am preparing to go there and I wish to find the best college. But my first problem is my mother-in-law. She is an old and she doesn't want to go abroad in her age. She afraids of her healthy. "How about that city's weather and nature? " She often asked. The second is my husband. Especially, his work. He is a doctor and he can't go to foreign country. Because he is a skilfull surgeon. For this reason he hesitates for my decision. Can we find best hospital there for him? Could you send me information about different colleges and hospitals? Also can you tell us about climate your city, please? Thank you for taking the time to read my letter. Iunderstand that you are a busy person. If it's helpful, I 'd be more than happy to answer my questions over the phone or letter. I would appreciate it if you could give me your advice as soon as possible. LoveMartha.
I would appreciate it if you could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me with this position. I have a family you know.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I want to rise my career. That's why I would like to go there. Three years ago I went that city and I liked your colleges' studying method.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nowdays
I am preparing to go there and I wish to find the best college.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
my
first
problem is my mother-in-law. She is an
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
old and
she doesn't want to go abroad in her age. She
Possible spelling mistake found.
afraids
of her healthy.
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
How about that city's weather and nature?
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
She
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
asked. The second is my husband.
Especially
, his work. He is a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
doctor and
he can't go to foreign country.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
he is a
Possible spelling mistake found.
skilfull
surgeon.
For this reason
he hesitates for my decision. Can we
A determiner is probably missing here: "find the best".
find best
hospital there for him? Could you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
me information about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
colleges and hospitals?
Also
can you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
us about climate your city,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
? Thank you for taking the time to read my letter.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Iunderstand
that you are a busy person. If it's helpful, I 'd be more than happy to answer my questions over the phone or letter. I would appreciate it if you could give me your advice as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.
Possible spelling mistake found.
LoveMartha
.
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IELTS essay I am writing to ask if you could help me some advice about appropriate college which is situated near your home.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
211 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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