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Humanity in concentration camp

Humanity in concentration camp L90y3
Those who have been in the depression of the POW camp know how precious humanity present during the war is. Elie felt the despair of the barbaric and cruel treatment from the soldiers towards the refugees in the camp. He virtually almost lost his humanity and being greedy when living in the camp. Fortunately, a doctor in the infirmary has rescued himself from the inferno by ‘the inflection of his voice’ soothed him. This reveals that humanity is coming back in this miserable POW camp. Likewise, Beresford indicates that the benevolence is coming back to the women in the camp. Take the case of the vocal orchestra, which is celebrated by the women has awed the soldiers when they tried to abandon the choir. Their soothed voice and a harmonious symphony made such a triumph in retaking mankind in human. While humanity is gradually lost, the doctor, Elie, and the women in the POW camp display their belief in benevolence would never be absented in humans.
Those who have been in the depression of the POW camp know how precious
humanity
present during the war is. Elie felt the despair of the barbaric and cruel treatment from the soldiers towards the refugees in the camp. He
virtually
almost lost his
humanity
and being greedy when living in the camp.
Fortunately
, a doctor in the infirmary has rescued himself from the inferno by ‘the inflection of his voice’ soothed him. This reveals that
humanity
is coming back in this miserable POW camp.
Likewise
,
Beresford
indicates that the benevolence is coming back to the women in the camp. Take the case of the vocal orchestra, which
is celebrated
by the women has awed the soldiers when they tried to abandon the choir. Their soothed voice and a harmonious symphony made such a triumph in retaking mankind in human. While
humanity
is
gradually
lost, the doctor, Elie, and the women in the POW camp display their belief in benevolence would never
be absented
in humans.
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IELTS essay Humanity in concentration camp

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
166 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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