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human lifestyle has been changed vastly by new technologies

human lifestyle has been changed vastly by new technologies Klna0
It is often argued that the human lifestyle has been changed vastly by new technologies, and has tended to be more sedentary, so human well-being could be endangered. I completely agree with this and think that new technologies have become harmful to humans. firstly, sitting for a long time in front of computers could cause excessive obesity which is the origin of chronic diseases. in other words, severe dependency of humans on computers in both fields of work and entertainment could lead to sedentary behavior that is not compatible with human physiology and increases the chances of gaining weight, which has a bad influence on health. for example, according to researches, that has been done in recent years, one of the reasons of type II diabetes is overweight caused by inactivity. thus, the addiction of people to computers makes them obese and could cause sickness. secondly, overusing new technologies might lead to sleep deprivation in individuals and could be injurious for their wellness. to paraphrase, inactivity caused by excessive usage of digital screens, especially cell phones, disrupts the order of the human body and decreases the hours of sleeping, and damages well-being in different ways. For instance, has been proven that one could suffer from high blood pressure because of sleeplessness. so, as a result of working for long hours with digital screens, people may lose their ability to sleep well and in this way, their health could be damaged. in conclusion, I strongly believe developments in the field of technology, have forced harmful ways of living, especially in terms of lesser physical activity, to humans and it has had a bad influence on their health. I have mentioned two of the damages to the human body, including excess weight gain and inadequate sleep which also have side effects.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
lifestyle has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
vastly
by new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
, and has tended to be more sedentary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
well-being could
be endangered
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
have become harmful to humans.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
firstly
, sitting for a long time in front of computers could cause excessive obesity which is the origin of chronic diseases.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
other words, severe dependency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
on computers in both fields of work and entertainment could lead to sedentary behavior
that is
not compatible with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
physiology and increases the chances of gaining weight, which has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence on health.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example, according to researches, that has
been done
in recent years, one of the reasons of type II diabetes is overweight caused by inactivity.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
thus
, the addiction of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to computers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them obese and could cause sickness.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
, overusing new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
might lead to sleep deprivation in individuals and could be injurious for their wellness.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
paraphrase, inactivity caused by excessive usage of digital screens,
especially
cell phones, disrupts the order of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
body and decreases the hours of sleeping, and damages well-being in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways.
For instance
, has
been proven
that one could suffer from high blood pressure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of sleeplessness.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
,
as a result
of working for long hours with digital screens,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may lose their ability to sleep well and in this way, their health could
be damaged
.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
conclusion, I
strongly
believe developments in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, have forced harmful ways of living,
especially
in terms of lesser physical activity, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
and it has had a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence on their health. I have mentioned two of the damages to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
body, including excess weight gain and inadequate sleep which
also
have side effects.
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IELTS essay human lifestyle has been changed vastly by new technologies

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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