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human bein ultimate dream

human bein ultimate dream 75gE2
I want to be rich! , that everyone dreams in the 21st century. If you living in this era you will know the cause with no wonder, now we living in a world controlled by finance, money, assets and, . . . etc, the men owns gold they may rule on the world, the men with huge capital that we called the whales may be to %1. All the story begin with cavemen in the initial ages of the human bein life, when the first men try to have all important and valued materials like salt, wheat and, medical plants but, he can't have it all for a simple reason, either not available in the land he habited or the land that had all its need owned by other men, may have fought and suffer casualties. He came with a brilliant idea, exchange system in the earth, it works simply by just giving other men what he needs in exchange for another, let me explain to you, a man needs salt and another man needs wheat, the man needs wheat comes to the man needs salt starting to ask if he has wheat, he will say yes but I will give you in exchange of salt, so the wheat man got wheat from salt man and, salt man gets salt from wheat man, very simple, isn't? ! . After centuries or years no idea! , people start to discover precious materials under the dust, iron, silver, gold. . . etc and, because that's metal are rare people start to deal with it as payment for daily life neccessaries like stocks, medicine, food and. . . etc, but it was in soild status not pure and heavy to carry, who carry a stone of iron or sliver all the way to the market! ? , so they went to smith to currency these metal in light wight and more quantities, first the got first coins but it was impurities which had some other metals inside, although it works in market, after that people start to categories every metal based in different factors like rareness, hardness and even if the metal shine more others, which at end realize that the gold is the best.
I want to be rich!
Loose punctuation mark.
,
that everyone dreams in the 21st century. If
Did you mean "you're living", "you are living", or "you were living"?
you living
in this era you will know the cause with no wonder,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
Did you mean "we're living", "we are living", or "we were living"?
we living
in a world controlled by finance, money, assets and
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
etc
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
gold they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
on the world, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
with huge capital that we called the whales may be to %1.

All the story
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with cavemen in the initial ages of the human
Possible spelling mistake found.
bein
life, when the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
try to have all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and valued materials like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wheat
and, medical plants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, he can't have it all for a simple reason, either not available in the land
It seems that a verb is missing after "he". Please verify.
he
Possible spelling mistake found.
habited
or the land that had all its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
, may have fought and suffer casualties.

He came with a brilliant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, exchange system in the earth, it works
simply
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
what he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
in exchange for another,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
to you, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
and another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wheat
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wheat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
starting to ask if he has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wheat
, he will say yes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I will give you
The usual prepositions to use after "in exchange" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "in exchange for"?
in exchange of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wheat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wheat
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
and,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wheat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
simple, isn't? !
Don't put a space before the full stop
.


After centuries or years no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
!
Loose punctuation mark.
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to discover precious materials under the dust, iron, silver, gold.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
etc
and,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
metal
are rare
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to deal with it as payment for daily life
Possible spelling mistake found.
neccessaries
like stocks, medicine, food and.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
etc
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it was in
Possible spelling mistake found.
soild
status not pure and heavy to carry, who carry a stone of iron or sliver all the way to the market! ?
Loose punctuation mark.
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they went to smith to currency these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
metal
in light wight and more quantities,
first
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
first
coins
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it was impurities which had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
metals
inside, although it works in market, after that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to categories every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
metal
based in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
factors like rareness, hardness and even if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
metal
shine more others, which at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
realize that the gold is the best.
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IELTS essay human bein ultimate dream

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
372 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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