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Human activities has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while others believe action can be take to bring about change. Discuss both and give your opinion.

Human activities has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while others believe action can be take to bring about change. VbKA
It is undeniable fact that human activities always cause detrimental effect in environment. Some people think that these activities can not be controlled. While, others think that a change is possible by taking actions against it. Both sides of view should be analyzed before reasoned conclusion is drawn. First of all, some group think that the human being cannot be lived without the facilities and comforts which is brought by cutting edge technology. Nowadays, the technology become modern day by day. Furthermore, the hazardous effect generated by it on the plants and animals which is not changed. Take for instance forest researchers suggest that due to industrialisation, forest areas are reducing and animals are near to extinct which can not be brought back. That is why, some people think that nature which ruined by human can not get back again. Secondly, others claim that human's hazardous activities can be minimized by taking strong action against it. Additionally, government able to make strong laws to decrease pollution and protect animals and environment. For example, some developed countries generated strong laws to control human activities and save environment. Thus some people are thought that goverment actions and laws can be able to control dangerous activities done by humans. In conclusion, it is clear that both sides have a strong grounds in their views. However, in my opinion, goverment should make laws against detrimental activities of human and protect the environment and animals which are near to extinction.
It is undeniable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
always cause detrimental effect in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can not
be controlled
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is possible by taking actions against it. Both sides of view should
be analyzed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reasoned conclusion
is drawn
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
without the facilities and comforts which
is brought
by cutting edge technology. Nowadays, the technology become modern day by day.
Furthermore
, the hazardous effect generated by it on the plants and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. Take
for instance
forest researchers suggest that due to
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialisation' is British English.
industrialisation
, forest areas are reducing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are near to extinct which can not
be brought
back.
That is
why,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that nature which ruined by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back again.
Secondly
, others claim that human's hazardous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can
be minimized
by taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strong
action against it.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
to decrease pollution and protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
generated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
actions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
can be able to control
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
done by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
.
In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that both sides have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strong
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "ground"?
grounds
in their views.
However
, in my opinion,
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
against detrimental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
and protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
which are near to extinction.
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IELTS essay Human activities has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while others believe action can be take to bring about change.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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