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Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? 8VMV
Nowadays, advertising is one of the marketing strategies used to make a better sale in a business. Few people thinks that promoting products either motivates consumers to buy things that is not important or it helps people realize which is better to use. I believe that having some commercials made by professionals can assist a normal person to choose whether or not to finalize the purchase. First of all, reviews or comments from people who used the product itself is a huge success for others to make a decision. Spreading the news using advertising even if it's a negative judgement makes people more attentive about the products so it won't be an issue. For instance, opinions from people who are popular like celebreties or youtubers matters, especially when it comes to finalizing the purchase or to refuse and examine the other opportunities. Secondly, there are some products that are prescribed by doctors for a specific use or sensitive patient with steps to follow. Commercials includes a lot of details that is necessarily followed by the models, also which people become knowledgable about. For example, muscle pain spray there are hot and cold options because it's different for every type of pain. Moreover, not all are recommended by professionals because of chemical substances which can be prevented by advertising using social media. To conclude, commercials are very informative especially for prescribed products which give guidance for consumers to choose. In my opinion, promoting helps people determine what is best for them.
Nowadays, advertising is one of the marketing strategies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better sale in a business. Few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
thinks
that promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
either motivates consumers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things
that is
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
or it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
realize which is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. I believe that having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
commercials made by professionals can assist a normal person to choose
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
to finalize the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, reviews or comments from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
itself is a huge success for others to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a decision. Spreading the news using advertising even if it's a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
judgement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more attentive about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it won't be an issue.
For instance
, opinions from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are popular like
Possible spelling mistake found.
celebreties
or
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtubers
matters,
especially
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to finalizing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
or to refuse and examine the other opportunities.

Secondly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that
are prescribed
by doctors for a specific
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
or sensitive patient with steps to follow.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "commercial includes".
Commercials includes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
that is
necessarily
followed by the models,
also
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledgable
about.
For example
, muscle pain spray there are hot and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
options
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
for every type of pain.
Moreover
, not all
are recommended
by professionals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of chemical substances which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
by advertising using social media.

To conclude
, commercials are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
informative
especially
for prescribed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which give guidance for consumers to choose. In my opinion, promoting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
determine what is best for them.

IELTS essay Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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