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How to judge person's real value

Nowadays most people’s value judged by based on their social status and possession of properties. But I am strongly disagreeing with this opinion. Because it is not the only fact need to value peoples. At the current state most of the people who had more properties they have been earning money in wrong way that means either illegal business or any other corrupted method. This statement is not always true but it is applied to majority of the peoples who are rich in very short period. At the moment money is the most important factor to measure the value of the person. Therefore, politicians, businessmen possess more vehicles and mansions, money and much more properties. However, they have not any admirable values such as kindness, honor and trustworthiness. Sometimes they organized some charity programs or donations to improve their popularity and image. In the past person’s value judged according to their honesty, kindness and trustworthiness. It was a fair measurement to valued peoples because humanity is the key factor need to judge anyone. According to our culture and religions it required to improve their lives. I that day’s principals, teachers, monks and government officers were the most valuable persons in the society. Despite, nowadays all the society following money thus the real valuable persons could not have any value. Politicians, illegal businessmen’s got that place. My opinion is the we need to change this situation and valued principals, teachers, monks and government officers like such a valuable person. And also need improve the humanity in the world then world will be a paradise.
Nowadays most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
judged by based on their social status and possession of properties.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I am
strongly
disagreeing with this opinion.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
it is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
peoples.

At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
state most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who had more properties they have been earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way that means either illegal business or any other corrupted method. This statement is not always true
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
is applied
to
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
who are rich in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
short period. At the moment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor to measure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
.
Therefore
, politicians, businessmen possess more vehicles and mansions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and much more properties.
However
, they have not any admirable values such as kindness, honor and trustworthiness.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
they organized
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
charity programs or donations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their popularity and image.

In the past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
judged according to their honesty, kindness and trustworthiness. It was a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
measurement to valued
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
humanity is the key factor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to judge anyone. According to our culture and religions it required to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Did you mean “If” or is a comma missing (“I,”)?
I
that day’s principals, teachers, monks and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
officers were the most valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
in the society.

Despite, nowadays all the society following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
thus
the real valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
could not have any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
. Politicians, illegal businessmen’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
that place. My opinion is
Possible typo. Did you mean “the” or “we”?
the we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
this situation and valued principals, teachers, monks and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
officers like such a valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. And
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the humanity in the world then world will be a paradise.
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IELTS essay How to judge person's real value

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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