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How might having a lot of money make people happy?

How might having a lot of money make people happy? m13pN
On the one hand, many people believe that money makes sense happy and they can realize that be more strong and money bring a lot of good things for them. Other people believe that money doesn't bring a comfortable life and believe in this idea that if they can get more information about the wide world as a consequence they can be safe and this opportunity makes happy them. In my opinion, have money and have the knowledge and get a balance within both of them makes a great sense for people. And is very important that we do not forget that health is the best of Properties. Suppose that we have a lot of properties such as houses and a variety of cars and how many back up in the bank But we can not have one baby or can not walk on their own, in this situation only we have asked as a god that we were health, as a result, we found that keep a balance among money and health cause us to be happy and enjoys ourselves from the life. In summary, life is a package of mixed thing, for instance, have a good family who we can trust to them in difficult situations and have a kind wife who accepts us issues and great of power and the first power is being healthy. Finally, have money and all these things are together fine and we can have good feel sense with keep balance of them.
On the one hand,
many
people
believe that
money
makes
sense
happy and
they can realize that be more strong and
money
bring
a lot of
good
things for them.

Other
people
believe that
money
doesn't bring a comfortable life and believe in this
idea
that if they can
get
more information about the wide world as a consequence they can be safe and this opportunity
makes
happy them.

In my opinion, have
money
and have the knowledge and
get
a balance within both of them
makes
a great sense for
people
.

And is
very
important
that we do not forget that health is the best of

Properties. Suppose that we have
a lot of
properties such as
houses
and a variety of cars and how
many
back up in the
bank


But
we can not have one baby or can not walk on their
own
, in this situation
only
we have asked as a god that we were health,
as a result
, we found that
keep
a balance among
money
and health cause us to be happy and enjoys ourselves from the life.

In summary, life is a package of mixed thing,
for instance
, have a
good
family who we can trust to them in difficult situations and have a kind wife who accepts us issues and great of power and the
first
power is being healthy.

Finally
, have
money
and all these things are together
fine and
we can have
good
feel sense with
keep
balance of them.
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IELTS essay How might having a lot of money make people happy?

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
250 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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