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how has globalisation changed your country?

how has globalisation changed your country? j5JkL
Nowadays, globalization is the trend of the world's economy. Globalisation has created opportunities for many nations which can promote crucial areas of their country, especially developing countries that Vietnam is a typical example. First of all, the biggest variation that we can see is the economy. As far as I know, Vietnam after the war was a destitute country which possessed backward agriculture. However, due to suitable policies of the government, Vietnam is developing miraculously by receiving economic and technical achievement from abroad. Besides, the attraction of 100 millions people market has helped Vietnam attract investment capitals. According to research, although Vietnam has been affected by the Covid-19 Pandemic, the GDP of Vietnam in 2020 increase 2, 91% which belongs to the group of fastest growing countries. Additionally, education is also one of the factors that has been affected by globalisation. Although traditional ways of teaching still exist, teachers can approach the new methods that are very effective. These new methods help students to get knowledge more easily than traditional ways. Furthermore, globalisation also opens opportunities for students who can get access to higher educational systems. Last but not least, the wide international exchange on the basics of economy also has a significant impact on the field of culture. It has created great conditions to get many new values of culture and get rid of old-fashioned lifestyles. For example, the portion of men who have a patriarchal lifestyle are reducing these days because this lifestyle is stigmatized. However, Vietnam is facing the loss of national identities, but the values that globalisation brings for Vietnam culture is undeniable. In conclusion, Vietnam is a developing country which has been influenced on many aspects by globalisation. Especially, economy, education and culture are these crucial aspects that we can witness the change of them. The positive consequences of globalisation have contributed to socio-economy Vietnam enormously.
Nowadays, globalization is the trend of the world's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
.
Do not mix variants of the same word ('globalisation' and 'globalization') within a single text.
Globalisation
has created opportunities for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations which can promote crucial areas of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
especially
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that Vietnam is a typical example.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the biggest variation that we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
. As far as I know, Vietnam after the war was a destitute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
which possessed backward agriculture.
However
, due to suitable policies of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, Vietnam is developing
miraculously
by receiving economic and technical achievement from abroad.
Besides
, the attraction of 100 millions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
market has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
Vietnam attract investment capitals. According to research, although Vietnam has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the Covid-19 Pandemic, the GDP of Vietnam in 2020 increase 2, 91% which belongs to the group of
A determiner is probably missing here: "the fastest".
fastest
growing countries.

Additionally
, education is
also
one of the factors that has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
Do not mix variants of the same word ('globalisation' and 'globalization') within a single text.
globalisation
. Although traditional ways of teaching
still
exist, teachers can approach the new methods that are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective. These new methods
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge more
easily
than traditional ways.
Furthermore
,
Do not mix variants of the same word ('globalisation' and 'globalization') within a single text.
globalisation
also
opens opportunities for students who can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to higher educational systems.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, the wide international exchange on the basics of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
also
has a significant impact on the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. It has created great conditions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new values of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned lifestyles.
For example
, the portion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
who have a patriarchal lifestyle are reducing these days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this lifestyle
is stigmatized
.
However
, Vietnam is facing the loss of national identities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the values that
Do not mix variants of the same word ('globalisation' and 'globalization') within a single text.
globalisation
brings for Vietnam
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is undeniable.

In conclusion
, Vietnam is a developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
which has
been influenced
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects by
Do not mix variants of the same word ('globalisation' and 'globalization') within a single text.
globalisation
.
Especially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
, education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
are these crucial aspects that we can witness the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of them. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
consequences of
Do not mix variants of the same word ('globalisation' and 'globalization') within a single text.
globalisation
have contributed to
Possible spelling mistake found.
socio-economy
Vietnam
enormously
.
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IELTS essay how has globalisation changed your country?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
311 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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