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how does movies or television influence people's behavior

how does movies or television influence people's behavior xA26
We should always be aware that movies and television have a great impact on people's behavior. The effects could vary, some are good while others are awful. Here are some of the effects that movies and TV's could have on a person: Fist of all, a person's mood is definitely influenced by the kind of movie or TV show that a he is watching. Some would be depressing, others would be fun or even a relief for a person, thus they can absolutely ulter the mood status accordingly. For example; most of us when watching terrible events on the news channel like for instance; virtual roberries, rapes, murders and other terrifying acts, would definitely become depressed, scared and somehow conservative as a result of being shocked that we are living in such a world where so many evil people exist. Secondly, movies and TV's can also affect a person's social life behavior. If a person becomes addicted to movies and television, he would be spending hours infront of the TV, and therefore neglecting so many other significant issues in his life. Such person would rather stay at home watch TV, instead of planning a joyeus time with family or friends. In other words, he would insulate himself from the real world and unfortunately would be immersed in a fictional world. Finally, a person can increase his knowledge in various subjects by watching educational movies and TV shows. Some of them would be extremely beneficial to watch as they offer letracy in various aspects of life. Correspodingly, a person could develop a self esteem from what information he would gather from the Tv. For example, there is a friend of mine who usually follow up with such educational movies, and she always impresses me, with her magnificent general knowledge in almost everything. In conclusion, movies and television can undoubtedly influence people's behavior in many aspects. Ultering mood status, apartheid of the real world, and escalating general knowledge are some of the effects that a TV would have on a person.
We should always be aware that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and television have a great impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's behavior. The effects could vary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
while others are awful. Here are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
effects that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and TV's could have on a person:

Fist of all, a person's mood is definitely influenced by the kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
or TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
Possible typo. Did you mean "a" or "he"?
a he
is watching.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would be depressing, others would be fun or even a relief for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
,
thus
they can
absolutely
Possible spelling mistake found.
ulter
the mood status
accordingly
.
For example
; most of us when watching terrible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
on the news channel like
for instance
; virtual
Possible spelling mistake found.
roberries
, rapes, murders and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
terrifying acts, would definitely become depressed, scared and somehow conservative
as a result
of
being shocked
that we are living in such a world where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
evil
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
exist.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and TV's can
also
affect a person's social life behavior. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
becomes addicted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and television, he would be spending hours
Possible spelling mistake found.
infront
of the TV, and
therefore
neglecting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
significant issues in his life. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
would
rather
stay at home
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV,
instead
of planning a
Possible spelling mistake found.
joyeus
time with family or friends. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, he would insulate himself from the real world and unfortunately would
be immersed
in a fictional world.

Finally
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can increase his knowledge in various subjects by watching educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them would be
extremely
beneficial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
as they offer
Possible spelling mistake found.
letracy
in various aspects of life.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Correspodingly
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
could develop a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self esteem
from what information he would gather from the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
.
For example
, there is a friend of mine who
usually
follow up with such educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
, and she always impresses me, with her magnificent general knowledge in almost everything.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and television can
undoubtedly
influence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's behavior in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ultering
mood status, apartheid of the real world, and escalating general knowledge are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
effects that a TV would have on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
.
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IELTS essay how does movies or television influence people's behavior

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
339 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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